


Take It from the Top

by meticulous_crow



Category: Midnight Poppy Land (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26171524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meticulous_crow/pseuds/meticulous_crow
Summary: In which Tora plays the guitar professionally
Relationships: Tora/Poppy Wilkes
Comments: 93
Kudos: 101





	1. Mission Cheer-Up Poppy

**Author's Note:**

> HOoooo-ey. I've been working on this for over a month because I was having a lot of trouble finding inspiration to write it. Well, I finally found my muse in a good batch of songs (I'll include them in Ch2), so here it is at last! Ch2 will be up tomorrow; Ch3 is getting close to done (but sometimes I'm a slow writer so I can't make any promises); and Ch4 is still a little vague but I'll try not to keep you all hanging for too long!

_Ladies and gentlemen… Hold on to your seats. I now present to you… The Grand Finale of the most anticipated week of the year! Today is the biggest event of Mission Cheer-Up Poppy, and OH, BOY, have I outdone myself this time._ Erdene chuckled to herself. She was such a friggin’ incredible friend. She was going to blow Poppy away with her thoughtfulness and snap that girl right out of her moodiness.

When Erdene had first met Poppy, she instantly knew that she was work-wife material and that they would hit it off. Poppy was bubbly and sweet, only recently an independent adult, and Erdene felt her calling—who better than herself to mold her squishy marshmallow into a confident woman and partner-in-crime?

Poppy’s first weeks at Giant Goldfish had certainly given them a lot to bond over, from teasing Jacob to landing Poppy’s first writing assignment, to analyzing relationship drama. Erdene had never met Poppy’s ex, but when Poppy broke up with the guy shortly after joining the startup, Erdene was happy to commiserate with her about awful men. All in all, it seemed that Poppy had handled her breakup well, even though she had turned down all of Erdene’s offers to set her up with someone new. Honestly, she felt sad for Poppy; being so composed after the end of a relationship probably meant that it had never been something worth fighting for.

In this past week, though, many months after Poppy and her ex went their separate ways, Poppy seemed to be struggling. Erdene initially thought her friend was overwhelmed about something work-related, but after constant pestering, Poppy finally admitted she was feeling down about her past relationship and was doubting herself and her ability to move forward.

Erdene had tried to give her a tough-love talking-to, saying that no self-respecting woman should take back a cheating asshole, but when Poppy gave her a wounded look, Erdene realized she was coming on too strong and needed to give her friend more nurturing. She decided that what Poppy needed was a series of good distractions to help her rebuild her confidence and get over this guy once and for all. Given how consistently Poppy turned down Erdene’s invitations to play matchmaker for her, she decided to try a different approach: a week of friend-focused activities and gifts, designed to remind Poppy that she was loved and appreciated, and that she had every reason to be proud of herself and stand tall. And if Poppy happened to meet another guy during that time, well, that would be completely by chance and a happy, definitely unplanned-by-Erdene coincidence.

So far, Erdene’s Mission Cheer-Up Poppy had been quite successful; between brunch, a roller-skating adventure, sushi, compliments, and surprise sweet treats at work, her efforts had brought back a smile to Poppy’s face. She was excited to seal the deal with a huge surprise.

She giggled. Now where was her marshmallow? She checked the time on her phone and frowned. It wasn’t like Poppy to be late. She had better be coming in today!

As if conjured by Erdene’s thoughts, Poppy burst through the door and into the office. She was out of breath and collapsed into her chair.

“Ooooh, Poppy’s late!” Jacob snickered.

“Jacob, shut it!” Erdene scolded, getting up from her desk to greet Poppy. She threw her arms around her friend. “Poppy, my blessèd flower, is everything okay? It’s not like you to be anything but early.”

“Erdene’s been giggling to herself constantly while waiting for you this morning,” Jacob added.

“What did I say, Jacob?” she scolded.

“Fine, fine, I’ll be quiet,” he muttered.

Turning her attention fully to Poppy, Erdene frowned. Poppy was looking a little disheveled and a little sad. “What’s going on, Poppy? You seem upset.”

Poppy sighed. “I’m fine. I just woke up late and had to rush to get here, so I got a little frazzled. You know I hate being late.” She looked up at Erdene and flashed a smile, before focusing on her desk again and moving stacks of notebooks around. “I’m fine now that I’ve caught my breath. No need to worry!”

Erdene’s frown deepened. She didn’t miss how Poppy was avoiding eye contact. That plus sleeping in… Was Poppy depressed and trying to hide it? After all the progress she had made this week, something must have happened to set her back.

“Okay, Pops. Don’t worry about being late; you were basically on time and no one’s going to snitch on you. But if something’s up, you know you can tell me, right?”

Poppy beamed. “Of course, Dene. You’d be the first to know!” She picked up a new notepad covered in avocadoes and rainbow lollipops. “Oh, my goodness, another one? This is so cute!” She threw her arms around Erdene.

Erdene squeezed back, pleased that her gift made Poppy smile. “I saw it at the store and just _had_ to get it for you. If that doesn’t scream ‘Poppy,’ I don’t know what does.”

“Your mom does,” Jacob said, almost inaudibly, but Erdene caught it. She reached into the trash can by Poppy’s desk and pulled out a piece of paper, crumpled it into a ball, and lobbed it in his direction. It bounced off his computer and onto the floor. He kicked it toward Erdene’s desk with a laugh.

“Keep out of our conversation if you have nothing useful to add,” Erdene called to him.

“It was useful,” he retorted. “Being funny is always useful.”

Poppy was still fussing over the notepad. “This is so sweet. What’s with all of the gifts this week? The stationary, the cupcakes, the earrings…”

Erdene scoffed. “Can’t a friend just treat you?”

Poppy raised an eyebrow.

“I mean it! I just like exercising my impeccable gift-giving skills,” Erdene insisted.

Poppy looked even more unconvinced.

“Fine, fine.” Erdene raised her hands in defeat. “Listen, Pops. I know you’ve been kind of down lately, you know, from what we talked about last week, and I wanted to cheer you up. I know they’re just small gestures, but I hope they bring you some happiness.”

“Aw, Erdene,” Poppy said quietly. “That’s really kind of you.”

Erdene tugged one of Poppy’s braids. “It’s the least I can do. You’re quite the treasure, my dear, and we can’t have our best in a bad mood.”

“I thought _I_ was the treasure in this startup,” Jacob complained.

Poppy giggled and wiped her eyes. Erdene grinned—finally Poppy had a real smile!

“What in the world gave you that idea, Jacob?” Erdene said.

“Last week you said I was digging a hole so deep that I must have found buried treasure…”

Both Poppy and Erdene groaned. “Ugh, that’s so bad, Jacob. I’ll forgive you because you got Poppy to smile, but only if you go back to actually being funny.”

Shaking her head, Poppy said, “I really am fine, Erdene. You know how unreliable the buses are near my place. I missed my usual bus and the next one was late, and I just got flustered. Thanks for worrying about me, but I’m in a good mood now! Especially with this!” She held up the notepad again.

Erdene patted her on the head. She knew Poppy played innocent too easily, and she wasn’t buying Poppy’s act, but she, too, could play along if that’s what her friend wanted. She’d hold off on her surprise until the end of the day, and see if she could figure out what was up with her friend before that. “Glad to hear it, girlie. Put that pad to good use.”

“Gross!” Jacob teased. “Keep your girl talk to yourselves.”

Erdene glared at him. Without breaking eye contact with him and trying to sound as ominous as possible, she said, “Let’s catch up later, Poppy. I need to teach a guy a lesson about humor.”

***

Five minutes before 4:00 PM, Erdene could no longer contain her excitement. She had tried to keep her secret to herself all day, but she could see Poppy getting sadder and sadder and wanted to cheer her up before she went down a rabbit hole. She grabbed the envelope hidden in her purse, crept over toward her colleague, and then pounced on Poppy’s desk.

Poppy squealed, shooting backward on her rolling chair and nearly toppling her coffee. “Oh my gosh, Erdene! What was that for?!”

Erdene cackled. “That was not my fault. You were so spaced out, I probably could have drawn a mustache on your face and you wouldn’t have noticed. What’s with all the sighing and frowning, lady?”

Poppy still seemed to be recovering from her shock. “I was just lost in thought. I was trying to decide how much work to do tonight, maybe get a head start on tomorrow.”

Work? Nope, not under her watch. This girl was going out on the town tonight, whether she liked it or loved it.

“Listen, Poppy,” she said seriously. “I know you think you’ve convinced me you’re fine, but you’ve been working way too much and today’s not the first time you’ve been moody. I’m not buying your story from this morning. There’s no way that one late bus makes you this upset. Listen, Pops. I _know_ breakups are hard, and healing is nonlinear. Some days are harder than others, even when you think you’ve been over it for months. And that’s okay. Setbacks are normal.”

She paused to gauge Poppy’s reaction to her words. Poppy seemed to sag in her chair. It was true then. She must be doubting herself and that relationship again.

Erdene enveloped Poppy in a hug again, and then remembered her surprise. She grabbed the envelope and waved it around excitedly. “But listen, Pops! You’re not alone in this, and you don’t have to deal with your feelings alone. I’ve got the perfect thing for tonight. We’re going to go out and have fun and feel sexy! Staying at home all by yourself like I _know_ you’ve been doing the last few weeks is just a recipe for brooding.”

Poppy gave a suspicious look at the envelope. “What is that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Erdene stuck out her tongue and waved the envelope, trying to entice Poppy to grab for it. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll keep the details to myself, and you just need to keep your night clear for me.”

“Come on, Erdene. Please just tell me?”

Erdene shook her head, refusing to be swayed by the doe-eyed look Poppy was giving her. “It’s a secret now.”

Poppy huffed. “I don’t know, Dene. I doubt I have the energy today to go out or do whatever it is you have planned.”

Erdene pouted. “But Poppy! You have to come! I had to pull so many strings to get this, and it’s going to be so much fun!”

Poppy’s expression didn’t budge.

“Fine,” Erdene said. She opened the envelope, and dramatically removed the contents centimeter by centimeter. “Drumroll, please…” She tossed the tickets on Poppy’s desk and squealed, “It’s Noyouko! I got us tickets to their show tonight! And yes, girl, before you ask, yes, these are backstage passes. Noyouko is only the hottest band right now, and you and I get to meet them!”

Poppy’s jaw dropped. “How…?”

Erdene beamed. She was such a fabulous friend. Poppy’s reaction was everything she had hoped for. “I remember you wore one of their t-shirts on your first day here, and I’ve seen your playlists. I knew you were a big fan. I wanted to take you out tonight, and I started looking up shows since I know the bars I like aren’t really your scene. Turns out, my childhood friend is a promoter at the venue and was able to score us these passes. Isn’t it incredible?”

Poppy picked up ticket and stared at it. Erdene giggled. Her Poppy was at a loss for words… and was that… a smile? Yep, she had done well.

“Is there a ticket for me, too?” Jacob walked over eagerly.

Erdene scoffed. “Do you know how hard these were to get? Sorry, man.” In all honestly, she felt a little bad for announcing this in front of Jacob; she had gotten so excited about the reveal that she forgot he was sitting nearby and that she didn’t have a ticket for him.

Jacob pouted. “That’s so mean, Dene. I thought we were friends. Look, now I’m sad too! Can’t I come along so I can cheer up, too?”

“This is girl bonding time, Jacob! I only got two tickets and they’re sold out!” Maybe she could try to get him one too? She still had time to call Kei back and ask for an extra backstage pass, but she should make that call before she promised Jacob anything.

“Can you call your friend for another one? Please? I will do all of your reports next week.”

Erdene crossed her arms and considered. Ugh, if he wanted it that badly, she’d tell him now that she was going to try.

“Okay, fine, for the next two weeks! Just please make this happen!” Jacob begged.

Erdene grinned at her accidental bargaining success. She glanced at Poppy, who was still staring at the ticket as if it were made of gold. “Fine, I’ll try, but no guarantees. And you’ll have to come shopping with us first. We’re going to buy killer outfits to wear, and then we’re going to head over to the venue so we can be first in line.”

***

Erdene felt excitement coursing through her veins as they stood outside The Miracle. She always loved the wait before a concert at small venues like this one, standing in an alley next to a nondescript building with no windows and car exhaust on the walls, which gave no clues about the interior. She enjoyed making conversation with the strangers who joined her in line and shared her anticipation for a great night. She always arrived early so she could experience the nearly empty venue to herself and then watch other folks trickle in and fill in the room around her. And of course, she lived for the moment when the artists walked on stage and began creating music that shaped their shared experience and made her body move.

Tonight, she was buzzing from the chance to share all these moments with her co-workers. She had secured a ticket for Jacob with another phone call to Kei while waiting for Poppy outside of a changing room. As Poppy worked her way through the various outfits Erdene had assembled, Erdene stared Jacob down and made him promise to only compliment Poppy that evening—no teasing about her appearance. Tonight would be a positive, friends-pumping-each-other-up night. Once she and her co-workers were dressed to impress, she took them to her place to drop off their belongings, eat a quick meal, swallow some shots, and head over to the concert.

Erdene was committed to making this a wonderful night for Poppy, but what she was most excited about, hands-down, was the chance to meet the performers after the show. It would be her first time going backstage. She had attended many concerts, but never had she met one of the musicians she came to watch.

Noyouko was a fairly new band, or at least new in the public eye. As far as Erdene knew from her research this morning, they had been performing in Narin City for years, but had rapidly gained popularity this year after a successful first album. Erdene was familiar with their music, at least enough to recognize it when Poppy played it at work, but she was mostly obsessed with how beautiful the band members were. When she looked up pictures of the band while waiting for Poppy this morning, she had to pick her jaw up off the floor and wipe the drool from her desk. They looked like they had just stepped off a runway. From that moment on, she decided she would be a committed fan. From what Kei had told her, the performers had been stingy about backstage passes, so she wondered whether they might be standoffish. She wasn’t too worried, though, because Poppy had a way of charming even the grumpiest of people. Plus, even if they were assholes, if she could just get a picture with them, she would leave happy, and then maybe she could set Poppy up with Kei just to end the night on a positive note. And who knows! Maybe they would be lively and welcoming, and hanging out backstage in a small group would lead to a more…intimate experience.

“You’re giggling to yourself, again, Dene,” Jacob said, interrupting her thoughts.

“I’m just so excited!” she exclaimed, alcohol amplifying the volume of her voice. She inspected her companions. Poppy was happily snacking on matcha Pocky sticks, watching the line of people behind them grow. She stood a few inches taller than usual thanks to black strappy heels, and looked like a goddess, Erdene thought in satisfaction. They had found a short, off-shoulder black dress for her that stretched over all the right curves, and Erdene had given her a smoldering look with makeup. She wanted her friend to turn heads tonight, and to let those looks bring her confidence.

“We look hot, you guys,” she preened. She had talked Jacob into replacing his button down overshirt with a bomber jacket, and, in her expert opinion, that had really transformed his look. For her own outfit, she had gone for a deep V-neck shirt and leggings that stretched down to sparkly platform boots. They were dressed to kill. She put her arms around her co-workers. “Let’s stick together, okay? No sneaking off with any suitors.”

Poppy giggled and rolled her eyes as she finished off her snack.

Jacob laughed. “You’re probably the one we have to worry about, Erdene.”

She feigned surprise. “Moi?”

“Yes, you, you grown ass woman,” Poppy teased, back in the conversation now that her food was gone.

Erdene was pleased to see Poppy laughing. “I guess you guys know me well. But don’t worry, crew. Tonight is about friendship and I have my priorities straight!”

The bouncers shifting in front of them drew their attention to the doors—they were opening!

Once their tickets were scanned and their hands stamped for backstage access, they entered the building. Erdene lifted her arms and spun around. It was a smaller venue than she had expected for Noyouko, but based on the line outside and the lack of seating, people were going to be packed in here. The stage was full of wires, instruments, and technicians scurrying around. Thick curtains covered most of the wall space, and her eyes needed a full minute to adjust to the darkness. The floor was cement and slightly sloped, with an occasional step to give the folks standing farther from the stage some height to see the performance. Wooden railings stood at the edge of each step to protect the crowd from twisted ankles or other injuries from not seeing the steps in the dark. A large bar stood away from the stage off to the left, already attracting a line of people.

Erdene twirled once more, taking in the mostly empty concert hall. Someone brushing past her brought her attention back to an important matter at hand, though:

“Come on, you guys! We need to claim space in the front, before everyone else arrives!” she shouted.

“But I need to use the bathroom,” Poppy said hesitantly.

Erdene shook her head. “Later, girl. First things first, we claim our space. After that, we can take turns using the bathroom and getting some drinks.”

“It’s already filling up!” Jacob pointed to the edge of the stage, where a row of people already stood.

Erdene clenched her teeth. This was salvageable, but there was no time left to lose. She grabbed her friends’ arms and pulled them over toward the stage.

“Wait, wait!” Poppy resisted Erdene’s pulling. “I think it’d be better for me, actually, to be back farther.”

“What?” exclaimed Erdene. “But you’re short! If we’re not near the front you won’t be able to see the stage.”

“Well, that’s the issue. There’s already people in the front so I’m just going to get pushed around and not be able see anything. Let’s stand over there, behind the rail.” She pointed to the first step back from the stage. “It’s close enough to the action, but since it’s a few steps higher and we’ll be first in line there, I’ll actually be able to see over people’s heads.”

Erdene considered for a moment and decided that was fine. Although she loved dancing with the die-hard fans at the edge of the stage and having the chance to interact with the musicians, the spot Poppy pointed to was close enough to the stage to have a good time, and if that would make Poppy more comfortable, then she would prioritize that.

“Oh, sure, Pops.” She patted Poppy on the head. “Sorry, I was thinking like a tall person.”

Poppy gave a small smile. “I’ll forgive you if you buy me a drink.”

Jacob let out a noise between a laugh and a cough. “Ho ho, what’s this? I didn’t expect to see Poppy to be the first one running for the bar!”

Erdene pretended to wipe a tear from her eye. “My wee Poppylan, all grown up.”

“Hey, I thought you guys were supposed to be nice to me tonight!” Poppy huffed, hands on her hips.

“We _are_!” Erdene laughed. “Believe it or not, this is us on our best behavior!”

When Erdene came back to the spot by the railing that Poppy was holding for them and handed her a drink, Poppy downed the wine in one gulp. Erdene gaped at her. “Uh, Pops, you know usually people drink wine a little more slowly…”

Poppy coughed a little. “I know, but I don’t want to hold it when the music starts and we start dancing.”

Erdene nodded. “I know the feel, but the music isn’t going to start for another half hour at least.”

Poppy sighed. “Honestly, I didn’t want to say this while Jacob was here, because I’d rather keep it between you and me, but since he’s in the bathroom—I’m a little nervous about being here tonight. The truth is, I used to listen to Noyouko a lot with my ex. I’m excited to be here and have fun with you both, but I’m a little worried that it’s going to bring up complicated feelings.”

Erdene felt like an idiot. She thought back, and yeah, maybe her memories of Poppy listening to the band were just from her first two weeks at Giant Goldfish, when her relationship was still intact. “Oh my gosh, I’m so stupid. I’m so sorry Poppy. I didn’t even think about that. Are you sure you want to be here? We can totally leave if you want.” Gah, this was totally backfiring. She was _not_ a good friend after all.

“No, no, no!” Poppy said hurriedly. “I want to be here, really! I’m just a little nervous and wanted to let you know that I might be a little off. We’re making new memories, tonight, right? I still want to do that. Plus, they’re a really good band, and I want to support them. Let’s just see how things go.”

Erdene balanced her drink on the wooden railing in front of them, and gave Poppy a big hug. “I’m glad to hear it. You’re so amazing and brave, Poppy. Let’s make tonight a wonderful time, okay? If at any point you want to leave, we’ll do that, no problem.”

Poppy squeezed back. “Thanks for trying so hard to cheer me up, Erdene. I already feel better knowing you care so much.”

“Of course I do! That’s what besties are for!” She lifted a hand to her mouth and leaned in to whisper into Poppy’s ear. “Plus, have you seen what this band looks like? I know you’re not the type to chase after hot guys, so this was one of the most wholesome ways I could think of getting you to ogle some for a while.”

Poppy giggled, and half-heartedly tried to push Erdene away.

“Aw, did I miss a moment?” Jacob walked up to them, back from his trip to the bathroom.

Erdene picked up her drink and threw back the contents. “Nope, you just caught the most important part—time for a refill!”


	2. The Music (Hear it Out)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can see Quincey having a very different musical style than what I’ve given him here, but because of who his band members are, I figured the average of all of their styles together is something like what I've created--rock music, and definitely angsty. Initially I was going to write my own lyrics, but then I listened to a bunch of Hozier songs and decided that I couldn't top that, so... thanks, Hozier! 
> 
> There are 4 songs mentioned in the story. In order, they are: (1) Dinner & Diatribes by Hozier, (2) Movement by Hozier (the song after Quincey first speaks), (3) Shrike by Hozier (the first song that’s quoted), (4) Monkey by Robert Plant & The Band of Joy (the second song that’s quoted). You can play songs 1, 3, and 4 along with the story as you read it and it’ll match up for the most part, kinda.

By the time the opening band finished, Erdene was having fun and was no longer worried about her friend. The drinks seemed to have caught up to Poppy, who was a bit red in the face, but vigorously dancing with Erdene to the Motown songs being played as the interlude before the main performance. Jacob laughed with them, making conversation with the group standing next to them and ignoring whenever Poppy and Erdene tried to get him to dance.

All of a sudden, the house lights went out. The audience held a collective breath, and then someone noticed movement on the stage and started to scream and cheer. A guitar snarled and then began an urgent riff, chasing the steady beat of a kick drum. Suddenly, a spotlight turned on, illuminating the singer who had snuck onto stage during the darkness. His gelled blond hair and metallic jacket and shoes sparkled in the stage lights. The audience renewed its excited screams as he crouched around the microphone, chanting into it. His voice was commanding, the music fast-paced and infectious. Erdene felt herself moving, tapping, dancing along with the rest of the crowd. When the song reached its chorus, lights lit up behind the band, rushing toward the audience with the swell of the music, and Erdene couldn’t help but spin around and laugh in delight.

As the song moved on to new verses, Erdene glanced at Poppy and Jacob to see their reactions. Jacob was smiling broadly and nodding his head to the beat, and Poppy was smiling slightly and tapping her fingers against the railing. She reached out to Poppy and squeezed her hand. “How ya doing, Pops?”

Poppy nodded vigorously and slowed her movement. “Pretty well, thanks! This is fun. I’ve always loved this song!”

Erdene felt relieved. “Dude, it slaps. I love it too! And I’m glad you’re having fun.”

She considered the situation for a moment. Poppy seemed to be in a good mood. Maybe some teasing was in order, to assess just how good of a mood she was in. Plus, she had to make sure Poppy was appreciating the display of peak human beauty in front of them.

She poked Poppy in the side. “I have to ask… Is part of your fun coming from how friggin’ hot QB is?” she asked, referring to the singer. When Poppy blushed, Erdene nudged her with her elbow repeatedly. “Isn’t he cute? Eh? Eh?”

Poppy tried to push her away. “Oh my gosh, stop. Yes, he is good-looking, but he’s not my type.”

Erdene gasped in horror. “Girl, what’s wrong with your eyes? I think you need to expand your definition so that whatever your type is, it includes him.” She paused, then decided to add, “And if you’re saying that because you’re worried you’re not his type, well, I’m sorry, hun, but you clearly haven’t looked in a goddamn mirror. You look _hot_.”

Poppy smiled shyly. “Thanks, but please, _stop_.”

Erdene laughed. “Okay, okay, I’ll bother Jacob instead.” She turned to Jacob, and decided to take a similar tactic. “Soooooo, isn’t QB cute? Eh? Eh?” she asked, punctuating each question with a nudge to his side.

To her surprise, Jacob didn’t push her away. Instead, he threw his arm around her shoulders and fanned himself. “I know, right? He totally is, and he’s definitely my type. Do you guys think he’d be into me?” he teased.

She stopped her nudging and smacked his arm. “Hey, back off buddy. He’s mine.”

Poppy giggled as Jacob smirked and tsked at her. “You’re ridiculous.”

Erdene tossed her hair over her shoulder and smirked, but the end of the song and the subsequent applause drowned out her chance to reply. 

As the applause died down, QB spoke into the mic. “You look gorgeous, Narin City!” Erdene wished she, too, had to pause between sentences because of overwhelming applause from her fans. “It’s so great to be here! As some of you may know, this is where we got started, all those years ago. Being here with you all feels like coming home!” He turned to his band mates behind him, who grinned in agreement. “Let me introduce these fools. Behind me on the drums is Cordy, who is part god, part bad-ass, and the person I aspire to be when I grow up.” The drummer ran her fingers through her hair and gave a brusque nod to the crowd. Erdene approved of her style, from her off-shoulder white top to what looked to be combat boots peeking out from behind her drum set. “To my right, is our fearless guitarist. He goes by many names, but tonight I’m going to get on his nerves and tell you his name is Tony the Tiger.” The guitarist didn’t flinch, but the black hair covering his eyes jumped abruptly as if he had exhaled quickly. He was taller and broader than the singer, but wore all dark colors and slouched at the edge of the light on the stage, instead of sparkling in the spotlight. He slowly raised his hand and flipped QB off. The singer chuckled and then continued, unperturbed. “On the keyboard right now, but on the bass, violin, or percussion at other times, is our very own Renaissance man, Gyu!” Gyu picked up a tambourine from the table under his keyboard and gave it a shake as a greeting. “I am QB, and in front of me,” he gestured to the audience, “are the most beautiful souls of Narin City! Come on, folks! I want to see you dancing and moving for this next one! Don’t be shy! Because…when you move, I’m moved.”

A few audience members squealed as they recognized the reference to the next song, and with a signal from QB, the band started playing again. 

The next few songs ranged from slow and serious to fast-paced and rowdy, and the crowd eagerly accepted each musical offering. Jacob and some of the people standing near them brought another round of beers for the group, and they joked around and danced together, a little buzzed. Erdene felt like she fell in love with each song that was played, but kept finding herself surprised at the lyrics.

She felt an urge to make sure her friends had the same realization she did. “Guys, are you all listening to the words? The music is beautiful, but this guy is a damn poet! Like, he could be a full-time writer, but on top of that he writes these epic melodies to go with the words.” She worried she might be slurring a little, but pressed on. “With some of these songs, the words are just… they create these layers of meaning, which are sometimes so different from the music. Like, the happy-sounding songs have really dark words. And I bet that we’d all walk away with super different interpretations from some of these, they’re that complex.” She made eye contact with a few of the people around her, unsure if they had followed her point. “Listen to the words, people! This isn’t just entertainment, this is ART!” she yelled.

Jacob nodded, “I agree, it’s really impressive. I think QB writes most if not all of the lyrics, but I think I’ve heard that the guitarist helps write the music.”

Some of the other folks nodded, sharing they agreed and had heard that too.

“It’s so impressive,” Erdene repeated. “These people are like Greek gods, with the music and poetry skills to match.”

After more than an hour and a half of music, the band settled down and QB walked back to center stage. “You’ve been an incredible audience, Narin City!” he yelled. When the audience response died down, he said, “This is our last song for tonight! It’s a new one we wrote while on tour, and this is the first time we’ll be playing it. Please enjoy! We love you all!”

The guitarist had changed to an amplified acoustic guitar, and began to pick at the strings in a soft and bright melody. Warm lights in various oranges and yellows swam around the stage. QB stood in a pool of soft light, grasping the microphone and tapping the side of his leg in time with the drum, waiting for the right moment. His words started as a whisper:

_I couldn’t utter my love when it counted_

_Ah, but I’m singing like a bird ‘bout it now_

_I couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted_

_Ah, but I’m singing like a bird ‘bout it now_

Erdene closed her eyes and felt steady rhythm and guitar move the audience around her. It was hard for her to like a song the first time she heard it, but there was something ethereal about this one that captivated her attention. The singer’s voice held pain, and the words and music raised goosebumps on her arms.

_Words hung above, but never would form_

_Like cry at the final breath that is drawn_

_Remember me love, when I’m reborn_

_As the shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn_

“Is he saying shrike? What’s a shrike?” Jacob asked.

Erdene tried to hush him, peeved he was interrupting the song, but one of the guys next to them answered. “It’s a bird that impales its prey on thorns and fence posts and comes back to eat them later. So if you see a bunch of dead lizards and stuff along a fence, it’s probably a shrike’s collection.”

“Damn, that’s intense,” said Jacob. “Thanks, man.”

Poppy grabbed Erdene’s arm and pulled her close. She seemed to be trying to whisper in Erdene’s ear, but had to yell to be heard above the noise. “Uh, did he just say it collects and stabs prey? I thought this was a love song. Does it sound like a love song to you?”

Erdene peered at her curiously. “Well, it sounds pretty, though a little sad. He says he’s speaking to his love, so…yeah, I think it’s a love song.”

They both stopped and listened to the lyrics more closely.

_Had no idea on what ground I was founded_

_All of that goodness is gone with you now_

_Then when I met you my virtues uncounted_

_All of my goodness is gone with you now_

The music began to build up to the chorus again.

_Dragging along, following your form_

_Hung like the pelt of some prey you had won_

_Remember me love, when I’m reborn_

_As the shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn_

“Oh, my god. He says that this person is collecting prey,” Poppy gasped, “and that everyone is the shrike to this person’s glorious thorn! Is this like, an abusive relationship? Or about someone who has a lot of relationships with a lot of people?”

Erdene frowned. “Whoa, I wasn’t getting that at all from the song. I thought he said _he_ was the shrike, but maybe you’re right—”

“No,” Poppy interrupted, “listen when it comes around again. I’m pretty sure it’s, ‘Remember me love, that _everyone_ is a shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn.’”

Erdene raised her eyebrows, impressed once again with the genius of these lyrics. “Well, shit. I think you’re right. That’s what I meant earlier, though! Noyouko is incredible. What at first sounds like a love song is actually a weird poem about a creepy bird and maybe a big fuck-you to monogamy.”

Suddenly, she noticed Poppy’s downcast expression. Shit. She shouldn’t have said that. Was this song bringing up Poppy’s memories of her issues with her former relationship? It was a new song, so probably not one she had listened to with her ex, but obviously cheating would be a sore subject. She grabbed Poppy’s shoulder and gently turned her toward her, her stomach clenching when she noticed Poppy’s eyes watering. “Hey, girlie. Hey, sweetie, it’s okay! I’m sorry I said that.” She pulled her into a hug, and then held her upper arms and looked her in the eyes. “Poppy, are you okay? Is the song too much?”

Poppy nodded, tears threatening to break past her lashes. She fanned her face and wiped her eyes, collecting herself for a moment before speaking. “Yeah, I think I need a moment.”

Erdene nodded, feeling bad at Poppy’s sudden drop in mood. “Of course. I think this is the last song, so why don’t we head out?” She of course didn’t want to; they had made it through almost the whole concert and she thought things were going well enough that Poppy would want to go backstage after all. That clearly wasn’t about to happen, though, and she reminded herself that tonight was about Poppy’s happiness, and that needed to come first.

Poppy sighed. “No, I don’t want to ruin your fun. You have those backstage passes! Please, stay until the end and hang out a bit! I just need a breather right now. I’ll go use the bathroom before the line gets too long, and then we can meet up by the entrance when you both are ready to go. Please, take your time! I’ll be fine!” She gave a big smile. Erdene wasn’t reassured, but Poppy clearly needed to flee, so she nodded and watched her friend push through the swaying crowd, the music now sounding mournful to her. She would definitely check on Poppy as soon as the concert was over, and see whether going backstage was even an option at that point.

She turned back to the stage, in time for the final note to be played and the crowd to erupt in whistles and applause while the stage lights fluttered. The singer gave a quick and deep bow, and the band members left the stage, darkness following.

But the crowd wasn’t done yet. They roared and yelled, whistling and clapping. Erdene rolled her eyes and turned to Jacob. “I find this silly, how bands always do this, pretending the show is over, while fully intending to come back out again,” she said.

He shrugged, clapping hard with the rest of the audience. “It’s all part of the fun!”

Erdene joined him, clapping and whistling for a bit before giving up and watching the audience do a much louder job than she. After a few minutes—they were really making them work for it—their efforts were rewarded, and the lights came back on, a fresh round of cheers welcoming Noyouko back on stage.

They returned to their instruments, and the singer approached the microphone.

“We’ve got just one more for you, Narin City,” he said.

The crowd cheered in reply.

“This is another new one, and we’re actually going to do something a little different tonight.” Someone in the audience yelled, “I love you!” and the singer laughed. He gestured to someone off-stage, and a stagehand brought out a second microphone and set it up next to the singer. “Please welcome, my brother and best friend, the Tiger of Noyouko!”

As the audience expressed its enthusiasm, the dark-haired guitarist made his way to the front of the stage and accepted an electric guitar from another stagehand. He stood tall and nonchalantly watched the stagehand adjust a microphone to point at his mouth and another at his guitar. The noise died down. He waited. Then—

He plucked a note, and another, and soon echoey, eerie notes filled the room. The song was fluid, intense, pulsing like the blood flowing through Erdene’s veins, like a tide ebbing and flowing, prepared to accept any sweat and tears that fell in its flood. The stage lights turned blue and reached out into the audience, as if the music beckoned them in. It was haunting, and sensual, and captivating. She felt like she was in a trance.

And then suddenly, he and QB were singing. His voice was deep and husky, QB’s higher and softer.

_Oh, my, my_

_Little white lie_

_I swear I’m gonna make it right_

_This time_

_It’s like a radio_

_Turning way down low_

_Telling me things I do not know_

_I know_

The guitarist strummed a few notes and shifted chords. He squeezed his eyes shut when he closed the distance between his mouth and the microphone.

_Tonight you will be mine_

He plucked five notes slowly, one-by-one, descending to another burst of fluid emotion. Erdene tilted her head back and let it wash over her, the blue lights, the perfect, lonely chords, somehow reassuring in their loneliness. She swayed with the people around her and felt the sound waves vibrate through her body. The singers’ voices were almost hypnotic, lulling her into a relaxed state, yet the music was utterly captivating.

It built, and built, another Noyouko song full of layers and complexity, but this time it was the music that was layered, that was both begging and pushing away, grieving and hoping, cruel and consistent and forgiving. The notes distorted and complained with a tortured ferocity, restrained by the steady beat of a wire brush on tom drums. The guitar approached its climax and paused, waiting for the two singers to catch their breath and yell together, their voices in an aching but determined harmony. QB took over the vocals with a cry and the guitarist sent pulses of music into the air, his black hair falling across his face as he put his all into his guitar.

When the song finished, the audience cheers were deafening. Erdene whistled and clapped until the band stopped bowing and the palms of her hand felt sore.

As the house lights came on and the band left the stage, people spun around to find their friends and discuss their shared experience. Erdene quickly found Jacob.

“That was such a cool song, dude!” Jacob said happily.

“Cool is a damn understatement!” Erdene exclaimed. “I mean, what was that?! That song was on another level. I have goosebumps and I honestly I’m in love with both of them.”

Jacob ignored Erdene’s comment. “Where’s Poppy?” he asked, looking over her shoulder.

Erdene sighed. “She went to the bathroom and said she’d meet us by the entrance. I think she wasn’t feeling—”

“—No, she’s right there!” Jacob pointed to the side of the bar, where Poppy was holding a cup.

“Oh, shit,” Erdene said. “Let’s go cut her off.”

As they approached the bar, Poppy saw them and waved them over. Erdene could see her eyes were a little puffy from crying. She felt a wave of guilt for putting Poppy in this situation, but also some frustration that Poppy hadn’t communicated with her better. Maybe they could have avoided this whole thing and just gone out for a drink, or she could have invited Poppy over for pizza and a movie... Regardless, she needed to get her friend away from the bar. Maybe they could have a sleepover at Erdene’s place tonight to make up for the emotional rollercoaster Poppy had just experienced.

“Hey, miss,” Erdene said softly. “Drinking away your problems is not the right move. Why don’t we head out?”

Poppy shook her head and lifted her cup. “Oh, don’t worry, this is just water.”

“Ooh, where did you get that? I need some,” Jacob said, oblivious to the fact that Poppy had just been crying. He walked off in the direction of the water fountain Poppy pointed to.

Poppy turned to Erdene, a smile breaking through the wet lines on her face. “Did you hear the last song? That was so beautiful.”

Erdene frowned. What was happening? Just a moment ago, Poppy had been crying and overwhelmed by the music, but now she seemed…happy? She knew Poppy cried easily, but this still felt like an unexpected mood swing. “Yeah, it was pretty cool, but what’s going on? Are you okay?”

Poppy laughed lightly. “I probably need to clean up my makeup, but yes, I’m okay. I’m wonderful, actually.”

Erdene was concerned. “The makeup is waterproof; you look fine. But, uh… what the heck, Poppy? You’re like Katy Perry’s _Hot N Cold_ right now.”

Poppy used her index fingers to wipe the water from her face. Her fingers were shaking slightly. “I know, I know. Honestly, I’m still a little emotional. But I completely forgot that these shows have Encores. That other song kind of wrecked me, and I didn’t think I had it in me to greet the performers, but the last song was so beautiful, and I feel really happy now. And, now that I’m not a weeping mess, I think I could handle going backstage.”

Erdene held her breath. “Really? Are you sure?”

Poppy nodded. “I’m nervous, but yes.”

“You’re not just doing it for me?”

“Nope, I’m doing it for me. You’re such a good friend, Erdene; I’m sorry I’m like this. I’ll explain everything later, but I kinda want to go before I change my mind!”

Erdene squealed, and Jacob returned to find them hugging. “Jeez, did I miss another moment?” he complained.

“Nope, you just caught the most important part—time to go backstage!” Erdene yelled, fist raised.

***

Erdene was almost bouncing with excitement when they found Kei. They made their way backstage easily and successfully stayed out of the way of the people scurrying around and breaking down the gear. After asking a few people, they were finally directed to the right place and found Kei giving instructions to a few people. When he turned toward them, she threw her arms around him. He had been working toward a job in the music industry for about as long as she had known him, and she was so happy to see him reaching his dream. She had been skeptical when she first found out he was a promoter; he had always been super sweet and laid back, and she had envisioned promoters as high-strung people who stress over details. Now that she could see him in action, though, she could imagine how his calm demeanor made him well suited to his position.

“It’s great to see you, too, Erdene,” Kei laughed into the hug. He was a head shorter than Erdene with styled dark brown hair and a silver nose ring. He wore a plaid shirt that she was sure met Jacob’s approval.

“Let me introduce you to my friends! This is Jacob…” She stepped aside to let Jacob shake Kei’s hand.

“Ah, the latecomer,” Kei said.

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault! But seriously, thank you so much for getting me that ticket,” Jacob said.

“My pleasure! Friends of Erdene’s are friends of mine, even though she and I haven’t seen each other in, what, like four years?” He turned to her, raising an eyebrow.

“I knowwww,” she lamented. “We’ll fix that, I promise.”

Kei looked over her shoulder, noticing Poppy. “Hey, there! And you are?”

“Oh, sorry!” Erdene moved again and nudged Poppy forward. “This is Poppy.”

“Hi,” Poppy said with a nervous smile.

“Hi, Poppy, great to meet you.” Kei gave her a warm grin. Erdene tried to contain her smirk, noticing that he hadn’t let go of her hand yet. Things were falling into place.

Poppy blushed and cleared her throat, and he let go. “Nice to meet you too.”

_Get it, girl_ , Erdene thought to herself. She might have to act as Poppy’s wing-woman if she kept up this shy act, but she figured Poppy was still a little nervous and overwhelmed from the excitement of going to a backstage meet-and-greet, and that she would open up soon.

“Let me take you all to the green room,” Kei said, turning to walk down the hall. “The performers will be there shortly, but we can hang out until then. Things are obviously much calmer now that the show is over, but as a heads-up, it’s possible I’ll have to leave to deal with a few things.”

He reached a door with a small green sticker on it, and pushed it open. The walls inside the room were completely bare, but an eclectic mix of worn couches and comfy-looking armchairs made it feel homey. There was a bookshelf on the far end of the room that was partially filled, its contents mostly books that were too thin to have titles written on their backbones. Next to the bookshelf was a long table, and next to that, a refrigerator rumbling in the corner.

“This is so exciting!” Erdene said to Kei. “I can’t believe you do this, like, all the time. As a job.”

Kei smiled. “Well, I used to have a day job, too, but in the last few months we’ve gotten some pretty big-name bands in, so yeah, it’s been fun.” He sat down on a large purple couch and gestured for the others to take a seat as well. “It’s definitely super hectic leading up to the performance, and sometimes I have to work with absolute divas,” he chuckled, “but my job is to make it go smoothly, or at least seem to go smoothly, and it’s pretty dope when that happens.”

“Well, tonight’s show definitely seemed smooth from the audience,” Jacob said. “So, nice work!”

“Thanks, man,” Kei said. “Ah, hang on a sec!” He held up a hand and listened to something coming through his earpiece. “Yes, the green room. Perfect, thanks.” He stood and walked to the door. “Looks like the food is here!” He opened the door and peered around it. “Well, almost here,” he laughed. After a minute of waiting, he backed up and held the door open wider for two people carrying stacks of covered trays. They set them down on the table next to the fridge and left.

Kei turned to Erdene and her friends. “Would one of you, er, maybe Poppy? Would you mind giving me a hand?”

“Sure,” Poppy said, jumping up and joining him at the table to deal with the food and set up some drinks from the fridge.

Erdene turned to Jacob. “Sweet, I’m glad there’s food. All this anticipation is making me hungry. Aren’t you just so excited to meet Noyouko? I don’t even know what I’m going to say. I hope I don’t just sit there and drool.”

Jacob snickered. “If you do, I’m never going to let you live that down.”

Just then, the door burst open, and in walked QB, laughing with a few other folks. He was still so…sparkly. He had changed into a navy-blue jacket that was embroidered with cherry blossom and chrysanthemum flowers in gold thread. Most of the people around him were probably stagehands, based on their all-black attire. Erdene jumped up and ran over to the singer as most of the others headed toward the food.

QB immediately turned to her. “Hello, honey, who are you?”

Erdene put her hands on her hips, unconsciously striking a power pose. “Hi! My name is Erdene. I’m friends with the promoter. I just _love_ your jacket. How do you look so fabulous after such a long and incredible performance?” She cringed a little at her word-vomiting. _Keep your cool_ , she warned herself.

QB squealed. “Thank you so much!! You’re so precious. Do you like hugs? Can I give you a hug?”

Erdene beamed. “Of course!”

In the middle of their hug, the door opened.

“Ah, more friends!” QB said, pulling back from the hug and running to the door. The first one to walk in was Cordy, the drummer, who had also changed her outfit. She wore a different pair of combat boots, a burnt orange tunic that reached mid-thigh, and white linen pants. QB kissed her on the cheek and Erdene noticed he kept a hand around her waist for an amount of time she determined was meaningful. Darn, she thought. She stood no chance if the singer and the bad-ass drummer were already together.

Behind them, Gyu walked in. He patted QB and Cordy on the shoulder as he walked past them, and held out his hand to Erdene first and then Jacob. “Hey there, I’m Gyu.” 

“I’m Erdene, this is Jacob,” she said eagerly. “We’re friends with the promoter. And my other friend is over there, Poppy.”

QB gasped and whirled around. “Poppy?! Is that Poppylan?” He rushed over to Poppy, who had already started walking toward him when she heard her name. “My darling, it’s been forever!” He picked her up and spun her around, and then put her down and smoothed out her dress and hair.

“Hi, Quincey,” Poppy said, laughing at his doting behavior.

“My dear, you look gorgeous. Who is responsible for this look?” QB made her spin around to admire her.

“That would be Erdene, who you just met. I have her to thank for both the outfit and the makeup.”

QB turned back to Erdene and gave her a chef’s kiss and an approving nod. Erdene was so stunned by the situation that she barely registered the compliment. “Uh, what is happening?” she asked. She exchanged a glance with Jacob, who was still sitting on the couch and mouthed back at her, “Whaaaaat?”

The singer was holding one of Poppy’s hands between both of his, and prattling on about missing her and wondering what she’s been up to.

Erdene cleared her throat, and said more loudly, “Wait, everyone STOP! Poppy—you _know_ QB?!”

“Oh, please, just call me Quincey!” he said cheerfully.

Poppy looked sheepish. “Heh, yeah. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.” She noticed Cordy and Gyu and returned their waves. “Hey, guys. Great show!”

“Looking good, Pops,” Cordy winked.

Erdene gasped, ignoring the looks she was getting from the other people in the room. “You’ve been holding out on me! Explain!”

But just then, the door opened once more, and Erdene’s attention was pulled away from Poppy’s deception.

In strolled the guitarist, easily the tallest and most daunting person in the room. His hair was partly pulled back and he wore a long-sleeved shirt featuring a guitar-holding T-rex and the words “Let’s Roarck!” He pushed up the sleeves, revealing brightly colored tattoos. His face was settled in a frown, and his serious aura drew everyone’s attention. Very quickly, however, his gaze fixed behind them, and they all turned to the small brunette who stared back.

“Hi, Tora,” Poppy said nervously, fiddling with some strands of her hair.

“Pops, you came,” he breathed.

“What in the actual fuck,” Erdene said. Now she was getting annoyed. She hated being in the dark. She pointed at Poppy. “Answers, now.”

“Poppy, can you introduce us?” Jacob whispered.

Poppy turned to them and smiled guiltily. “I’m sorry guys. Noyouko, meet my co-workers, Jacob and Erdene. Jacob, Erdene, you’ve now met Quincey, Gyu, and Cordy. This is Tora…” She paused, averted her eyes, and muttered, “…my ex.”


	3. The Feelings (Let it Out)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: post-breakup processing, brief mentions of childhood abuse and alcoholism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The backstory got beefy, so I had to split this into two chapters. I'm still working on the next chapter but hopefully that will be up soon-ish. This one has some angst. I hate making our babies fight, but they both have a lot of baggage & pent-up anger that collided here.

_Earlier that day_

Poppy stared intently at the plant hanging above her bookshelf, clutching a hot mug in her hands, vaguely aware of the humid green tea vapor wafting over her face. She could almost see his oversized silhouette lifting a hand to inspect the hanging plant, turning toward her, flashing his dimples. Her throat clenched.

She felt herself teetering on the edge of wallowing in the past, but as soon as her eyes started to water, she took a sip of tea and, with a practiced mental shove, pushed those memories aside. Chores, what chores did she need to do before going to work? She still needed to get dressed and wash her dishes, brush her hair… Maybe she should go into work early; she had woken up earlier than usual and could be ready to head in soon. Ever since her breakup, she tried to minimize long stretches of time spent alone and unoccupied, because she knew how deep her spirals could go. When she had first tried to process her thoughts after her relationship, it felt like she had burst open a dam of intense feelings. Even though she had continued to work at it over the past few months, it still felt like she had only partially repaired the dam walls. Keeping herself distracted was key if she wanted to get anything done that day, even if it meant she would be the first one at the office.

She finished her tea and stood up to take it to the sink. She couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that today was going to be hard. What had triggered this? Maybe it was the tea. She was trying to finish up some of her old tea, but jasmine had always been his favorite. Tomorrow she’d try something else, maybe a chai or something citrusy. She could bring the rest of the jasmine into work for other people to drink.

She washed her mug and the dishes in the sink, trying to pick three things to look forward to in her day. One… she was going to finish up her current research paper, and finally get that off her to-do list. That would feel really satisfying. Two… She frowned. This shouldn’t be so hard. Maybe she could get a cupcake from the café by her work. She could look forward to chocolate. Three…

Her phone buzzed. She wiped off her hands on a kitchen towel and picked it up. A text from an unknown number? Weird.

She opened the message, and her heart rate increased. The number wasn’t saved to her phone, but she had no doubt who it belonged to.

_bobby, please read this. i know i promised not to text, but. i’ll be in town tonight. we’re playing at the miracle. please come, if ya want. the whole show is dedicated to ya, but the last song, i wrote it for you._

She stared at the message, and a tear ran down her cheek. Once again, a vivid image of him in her apartment filled her mind. Filling her kitchen, leaning against the counter, teasing her and trying not to laugh. Struggling to find the right words, using his hands and warmth instead.

Anger and hurt rushed forward and crowded her thoughts. The hell she would go. Just a few days ago, she had imagined what it would feel like to have him reach out to her again, and thought that she would feel excited. Instead, here he was inserting himself into her life again without acknowledging their arguments, and she felt infuriated at his lack of apology. She reread the text, hands shaking.

Suddenly, the message thread lit up. He was typing. She held her breath, squeezing her eyes shut and waiting for the phone’s vibration to tell her the text had arrived.

_i want to talk to you bobby. im only texting ya cuz things are different now. ive been working on myself. im sorry for what i said and i regret what happened to us. i feel like an asshole texting ya like this, but i miss you. i wanna try again. please come to the show. i wont contact you again if that’s what ya want._

Poppy cried audibly now, with heaving breaths. She slid down to the floor, kitchen cabinets at her back, and squeezed her knees to her chest. She felt completely torn in two. Frustration bubbled up to the surface. It just wasn’t fair. He _was_ an asshole, waiting until she had almost fully moved on, before reaching out with barely an apology, not explaining _how_ things were different.

She wiped her tears. She could see Erdene’s raised eyebrow in her mind’s eye, and corrected herself. No, she hadn’t moved on. She was very far from moved on. In fact, the other feeling warring with her frustration was hope—hope that had been lingering for weeks and finally had an opportunity to grow.

They had met at the start of her last year at Narin University, she an aspiring journalist with a press pass to his show, he a musician still grappling with rising fame. He was unable to deny there was something special about her and she was captivated by the big, strong, guitarist who couldn’t seem to stay away. He certainly seemed like an upgrade from Julri, and it took several months of consistent dating for her to realize he was not lying about his intentions toward her. Her heartrate increased and her spirits lifted whenever he entered the room. He was kind, funny, quiet, but bold.

And yet… She could never fully invest in the relationship. She cared for him and had fallen quickly and deeply, but always held back from that final descent into love because of her own baggage and the red flags that came with him. She had felt guilty about it, very aware of the foot she was keeping out the door, and worried he could sense her reluctance to fully commit. She tried to talk herself into trusting their relationship, but found herself dwelling on every suspicion.

But who could blame her, right? He was a rising star, an incredibly good-looking musician who spent late nights surrounded by obsessed fans. Women stopped him in the street and tried to seduce him even when she was standing right there next to him. She reminded herself that Tora wasn’t Julri, that Tora was committed to her… Yet the fears and self-doubt Julri had gifted her kept creeping back.

At the start of their relationship, he had stayed tight-lipped about his past, claiming that although the burden of his upbringing would always be a “monkey on his back,” the activities from his past were confined to just that, his past, and she wouldn’t feel better hearing about it. She didn’t push him, hoping that someday he’d open up, but when her anxiety about their relationship reached its peak, she realized how little she knew about him and forced him to share. He had been correct—it didn’t make her feel any better knowing about his past, not when he thought he was over it but she could clearly see how it still affected him.

Tora had grown up in Quincey’s home, his childhood plagued by fear and abuse at the hands of Quincey’s alcoholic father, Vincent. Vincent didn’t contain his abuse to the periods when he was drunk; even when he was sober, he threw Tora around, and emotionally manipulated him to try to make him feel alone and dependent on Vincent. He forced Tora to do awful things to protect Quincey from experiencing Vincent’s wrath. When Tora ran away and lived on friends’ couches, Vincent spread rumors to destroy Tora’s friendships. When Tora met his first girlfriend, Vincent managed to get his fingers on that relationship and destroy it, too. He even contacted potential employers to make sure Tora couldn’t get a job without getting back under Vincent’s influence. But when Tora and Quincey turned their music from a hobby to escape their woes into a successful gig, their talent was self-evident and even Vincent’s insidious character couldn’t sabotage their success.

And that’s why Tora thought the “monkey on his back” was contained to the past—he thought that now that he had made a name for himself, he was free of Vincent. But to Poppy, it was clear that there was a lot of carryover from that upbringing. It certainly explained why Tora didn’t touch alcohol—he probably hated the association to Vincent. His tendency to shut down when people pried, or to lash out when people tried to manipulate him, probably also came from the abuse he suffered. Even his poor communication—if he had avoided relationships out of fear of Vincent interfering and fear that people would leave him, well, of course he hadn’t developed those skills.

She felt heartbroken to hear what he had gone through, and held him tightly as they fell asleep together that night. In the morning before he left to a day job, she thanked him for sharing and said she hoped they could continue to open up to each other. His lukewarm reaction to that, however, had her doubting whether things would ever change.

And indeed, after that conversation, he refused to return to the subject, and continued to be guarded about his feelings. And then, there were some evenings when he never came home. As his band increased in popularity, rumors of girls and drugs at after parties brought back her fears. She became worried she would lose him when he inevitably went on tour. Her mantra that _Tora is not Julri_ started to feel like denial. 

Their last conversation, the argument that triggered their final good-byes… that came after his last gig in Narin City before Noyouko’s tour. It was a Friday night, so she could go to the performance and stay for the afterparty. She forced herself to push aside her relationship concerns and enjoy the show. It had been a while since she could attend one of his gigs and she felt proud of his performance. But when she made her way backstage, she overheard an incriminating conversation between Quincey and Gyu.

“Where’s Big Bro? I can’t find him,” Gyu whispered.

“Boo-boo? I think he split,” Quincey sighed. “You know how it goes. Someone rubbed him the wrong way and he left to Regina’s.”

“Oh, shit. Isn’t Poppy coming tonight, though? She’s going to ask questions if he’s not here.”

Quincey cringed. “Oh, dear, I forgot about that. You’re right. For a smart guy, he didn’t think that through. I know he has his needs, but the man really needs to work on his self-control. Or at least just talk to her. I don’t want to cover for him.”

Poppy felt rage cloud her vision. So he _was_ cheating. She felt utterly betrayed, and sick to her stomach that this had happened again.

She stormed out of the building and road-raged the whole drive home. She felt her anger shift into a single-minded focus, and she packed all of his belongings—there were surprisingly few—into a large suitcase and a duffel bag and left them by the front door. She tore open a box of brownie bites and sat cross-legged by the luggage, rage-eating and replaying all her memories of their relationship to see how she could have been so deceived.

When he arrived home at 3am and saw her, he froze in the doorway.

“The fuck is this, Bobby?” he asked. He closed the door behind him and threw his keys on her desk.

She glared at him. She had prepared what she wanted to say, but now that he was here, she first needed to battle her tears before she could deliver her speech.

“Ya kicking me out?” he said softly. He crossed his arms and she could see one of his hands trembling. From what emotion, she wasn’t sure. Sometimes he was impossible to read.

She nodded, and lost the battle with her tear ducts. Her voice shook. “I should never have trusted you. You’re about to go on tour anyway, so I want you to leave now, and never text me again.”

He exhaled sharply. “Are ya serious? Care to fuckin’ tell me why?”

“Yes, I’m serious, you… you toad! You don’t communicate with me, you make me feel like it’s wrong for me to want to know more about you, our lifestyles are about to become extremely incompatible, and was there another reason? Oh, yeah, you’re cheating on me!” she yelled, standing up and crossing her arms.

A vein in Tora’s forehead throbbed visibly. He shook his head and tsked.

Before he could speak, she jabbed a finger in his direction and spoke again. “How dare you have the audacity to look disappointed in me. The only one who deserves disappointment right now is you.”

He sneered. “Disappointment? Of course I’m damn disappointed in you. I _knew_ ya’d pull some shit like this. You’ve been looking for an excuse to leave for weeks now. You’ve never fuckin’ trusted me. You’re so focused on licking ya wounds and finding more reasons to prove you’re being wronged that you’ve never seen me for me.”

“Are you kidding me, right now?” she seethed. “Maybe I’d be able to see you for you if you told me what you’re actually thinking and feeling for once!”

“Yeah, I did. I told ya ‘bout my whole fuckin’ childhood, and what did that get me? More distrust from you.” He shook his head, and she could see him shutting down.

“That’s _not_ what happened,” Poppy said. “Don’t you dare try to blame this on me.”

“Real mature, Poppylan. It’s not all on me either. But doesn’t fuckin’ matter, because ya made your damn point. I’m over it. I’m not tryin’a be with someone with trust issues.” He scanned the room and gestured at the luggage. “This all my shit?”

She nodded. A fresh wave of tears spilled from her eyes as she realized he was just going to give up. Her shoulders hunched, but she begged herself to stay strong. She tried to maintain her glare.

“Well, thanks for packing for me.” He hoisted the duffel bag over his shoulders and turned to face her again. “I won’t contact ya. Hope ya find some happiness soon.” He lifted the other bag with one hand and opened the door.

“Tora, wait!” she said. She warred with herself for a moment as he slowly turned back again. “You forgot your keys.” She handed them to him, noticing how their fingers touched. She met his gaze. “I hope your tour goes well. I also hope you work on yourself, because I don’t think you’re going to be happy if you don’t.”

“Pot calling the kettle, or however that shit goes,” he scoffed.

And with that, he left.

Poppy had held up well at first. She had the weekend to collect herself, and then on Monday dove into her work. Since Giant Goldfish was a startup with too few employees, she had an abundance of work in which to lose herself. When she felt herself slipping into sadness, she held onto her rage and feelings of betrayal. Every day, she reminded herself that it was for the best—they were very different people, from very different worlds. She deserved someone faithful, and her feelings for him would fade with time.

Yet now that their relationship was over, she felt regret and longing instead of the relief she had experienced after breaking up with Julri. She expected that moving on would get easier with time, but that was proving to not be the case. As the days went on, she couldn’t help but feel like she had lost something precious and worth fighting for. She struggled with anger at herself, worrying that she was gaslighting herself and making excuses for him that put her down. He had cheated on her and broken her trust! There was no way to come back from that, not when he showed no remorse and tried to blame it on her. She tried to push that anger away from herself and onto him, but often went to the extremes: the whole relationship had been a waste of her time and energy, all that she got out of it was pain and a damaged sense of self-worth.

But then there were the days when she woke up to dreams of their good days, and knew that their relationship had been much more than that. She thought to the times when they cooked together, laughed together, and listened to music together, lying on the floor. The times when he spent hours tinkering at his guitar, flashing his dimples at her when his fingers slipped and he hit a wrong note, giving her a stare when he found a melody he liked. The times when he had heard a song he wanted to show her and sat with her, sharing earbuds, until she listened to the whole thing. She missed those peaceful moments when they were present with each other. She knew they had a lot to work on, but they had been growing with each other. He had encouraged her to apply for her current job, even though she thought she didn’t have enough experience to qualify. He helped her believe in herself when she felt overwhelmed or sad. She had been encouraging him to share the songs he wrote with his band mates—they were so beautiful and unique—and to stand at the front of the stage and sing. He had never done either of those, but she could see him starting to believe her praise more and more each day.

And so Poppy pushed on. Week after week, she pushed down her feelings, focusing on work. When she opened the dam walls, she swam through hurt and shame, but also longing and regret. She felt she was getting nowhere. Even if he came to her and asked her to take him back, she wouldn’t let herself do that. Besides, the odds were high that he was enjoying his life on tour too much to even send a stray thought in her direction. She spent some days idling in the feelings, and other days trying to move on.

But then, a month after their breakup, she got a phone call that interrupted her routine. It was a Saturday, late morning, and she was lounging on her bed. She almost missed the call, since the phone was buried under a pillow and the bed dampened its vibrations. It was Gyu.

“Hello?” she said tentatively after nearly letting the call go to voicemail.

“Hey, Poppy, it’s Gyu!”

She bit her lip, waiting.

“Uh, you there?” he asked awkwardly.

“Yes, hi.” She felt her anger return. He had betrayed her too, by covering up for Tora. “Why are you calling me?”

“Whoa, there,” Gyu laughed nervously. “Listen, I’m just calling to see how you’re doing.” When she didn’t answer, he cleared his throat and continued. “I gave you some space because I’m sure you associate me with… ya know, Big Bro… And well, I didn’t want to upset you. But I’ve always considered you a friend, too, and I want to be there for you. Now that, well, now that some time has passed, I just wanted to check in.”

“Oh.” She wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“I—I promise not to share anything you say. I’m not going to break Big Bro’s privacy either and tell you anything about him. I’m not trying to meddle—I’m not Quincey, ya know? I just want to see how you’re doing and help if there’s anything I can do.”

Poppy felt annoyed. He was trying to get involved in her life, and had already brought up Tora twice in the conversation. Wasn’t that meddling? And how could she trust him with anything, when he had hid Tora’s cheating from her all those months ago. _You know what?_ she thought. _If we’re having this conversation, I’m going to get something out of it_. Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, “Is he still with that girl, or was that just a fling?”

There was a pause on the line. “Uh, what?”

“Is Tora still with that girl, Gyu,” she said more than asked.

“What girl? What are you talking about?”

“The girl he cheated on me with!” she yelled. She heard him gasp.

“Wait, what?! He cheated on you?”

She let her jaw drop in disbelief at him. This was so ridiculous. Why was he still trying to hide it?

Gyu started babbling. “I mean, whaaaat? Dude, that is so out of character for him. I can’t even imagine—I mean, sorry, Poppy, I’m not trying to say you’re wrong. I just—I’m so surprised. I had no idea. I can’t believe it. I mean, I _do_ believe you, I’m just surprised!”

“What the heck, Gyu? I heard it from your own mouth! You and Quincey! Your last show in Narin City, he ran off to some chick named Regina!” She felt like hanging up on him, but she also wanted to hear him squirm.

There was a moment of silence. And then… “Oh, my god, Poppy. I’m so sorry. I feel so responsible. Holy shit. Poppy—Regina isn’t a person. It’s a place, an overlook just outside of the city. Big Bro goes there when he’s in a bad place, emotionally, and he doesn’t want anyone to see it. He didn’t want you to see that side of him, so we weren’t supposed to tell you about it.” He gulped audibly. “Shit, Poppy. Is that why you guys broke up? Then I think Quincey and I destroyed your relationship.”

Poppy felt a wave of adrenaline course through her body. All this time…? No, she couldn’t process this right now. She felt herself tear up, and then immediately she was crying, no time to try to stop the tears. Water streaming down her face, voice shaking, she laughed humorlessly, for a while, and then said, “No, no, Gyu. It’s not your fault. I mean, clearly we had other issues.”

She continued to laugh and cry, feeling like she was losing her grip on what was real. A thought occurred to her. “Why didn’t he deny it, then? I said I knew he was cheating, and he didn’t even try to deny it.”

“I don’t know, Poppy. I don’t… Did he admit to it?”

“…No.”

“Well, I can’t speak for him,” Gyu said tentatively. “But I know he shuts down when people confront him about his feelings, and he’s shit with words. I’m sure you know this already, but you kinda have to read him in other ways. He’s also stubborn as hell and probably didn’t feel like he needed to defend himself.”

Poppy wiped the tears that were dripping from her chin. Gyu was right about his stubbornness and his tendency to shut down, but she felt guilty about one thing he said—did she know how to read Tora in other ways? “Ugh, this is so much to take in. Jeez, I don’t even know what to feel right now.”

“Well, if I can offer one piece of advice… Especially since I royally fucked this up. Be kind to yourself? I mean, it sounds like you two had communication issues, and, well, you know what they say… ‘Communication is key.’ But it goes both ways. It’s not just you.”

She sighed. “You sound exactly like my friend Erdene.”

“She sounds like a smart lady. Man, I’m so sorry, Poppy. Sorry for the miscommunication, and sorry to only clear this up now, after you’ve been processing this for so long.”

“It’s okay, Gyu. I mean, I don’t really know what to think. Can I just… can I ask you one invasive question?”

“Sure.”

“You promise you’re not calling because he asked you to?”

“I promise. He has no idea I’m calling. I meant what I said—I’m not meddling or anything. I’m not trying to get you guys back together. I have no idea if either of you want that, or if it’s even a good idea. I just wanted to see how you were, cuz you’re my friend, too.”

She frowned, still having trouble believing him. “Okay, thanks. I’m sorry for doubting you… I guess it’s a bad habit of mine.”

“Hey, you don’t have to apologize for that. Your trust was broken and you’re hurting; it’s normal. Can I ask an invasive question?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Uh, sure.”

“Have you thought about therapy? You know, to work on that trust and stuff.”

She paused and then laughed. “Wow, I think I should have asked if you’re calling because _Erdene_ asked you to,” she said. “I’ve thought about it, we’ll see.” She stood up from her bed and walked out onto her balcony. The air felt cool on her face as the wind dried her tears. “Listen, Gyu. I’m glad we spoke, but I need to go. This is a lot to take in. I’ll ask you about how you’re doing another time, if that’s okay.”

“Oh, of course. No worries, Poppy. Hope things start looking up for you.”

As she ended the call, she felt the shock of the news sink in. She looked out over the Narin skyline, trying to find calm in the stillness of the scene. Was it really true that he hadn’t cheated? All those nights when he never came home, was he really at some scenic viewpoint? What about all the afterparties full of beautiful women throwing themselves at the musicians? She should have asked Gyu about Tora’s behavior at those… She shook her head. No, Gyu was loyal to Tora before her.

Was this all a ruse? Gyu had seemed genuinely surprised at her question about Tora and some other girl, but she still felt suspicious. Had Tora put him up to this? There would be no way for her to tell if that were true… She watched an airplane exit a cloud and float overhead, its faint roar following it. She frowned again, thoughts churning. What would be the point of that, though? Just to check in on her? To try to get her to forgive him? That seemed unlikely. If Tora had cheated, she imagined he’d probably be more interested in other women than in trying to get her back. Even if he hadn’t cheated, she was sure that he wasn’t missing her now that he was living his glamorous life on tour. Besides, he had never been that manipulative. _Manipulative?_ _Shitaake mushrooms_ , she thought. _Of course_ he wouldn’t be so manipulative. Having someone else call her to get information for her screamed Vincent, and if there was one thing that Tora tried to avoid at all costs, that was being anything like Vincent. She shouldn’t be so paranoid. Gyu was a well-meaning guy and probably did just want to check in with her.

She drummed her fingers against the rail of her balcony. Well, there was one way to verify some of what Gyu said. She pulled out her phone and searched for “Regina’s overlook” on the Internet. She scrolled through the results, finding nothing relevant. She tried other search terms, trying to be creative, and looked through some hiking blogs—but found nothing. Things weren’t looking too good for Tora.

_Wait_ , she thought. _I have a guidebook!_ She ran over to her bookshelf and pulled down one of the few books whose spine faced outward. It was a hiking guide to Narin City that she bought when she first moved here. She flipped to the Index and found the “R” section. And… there it was. _Regina’s Peak_.

She turned to the page that mentioned it. “Narin Peak is the highest peak in Narin City, although small relative to many of the peaks outside of the city. It was once called Regina’s Peak, although that name is rarely used…”

She read more about the site, and then closed the book. She felt ashamed, and then felt a wave of loss. Had she really ended this relationship without any real evidence, had he really never done what she had accused him of? She had taken her baggage from her previous relationship and emptied into the middle of her relationship with Tora, ignoring the fact that he had never spoken to or gaslighted her in the way that Julri had. Maybe she should have tried harder to trust him. She squeezed her eyes shut. Gah, at least there was no one around to see her constant stream of tears today.

She walked back to the bookshelf to return the guidebook, and then paused. Next to it was another book with a visible spine, gifted to her by Erdene. She remembered Erdene’s words: “How your partner acts and communicates with you affects your trust, Pops. If you truly have issues trusting someone, well, that’s something you can work with a therapist. But don’t convince yourself that your trust issues are all on you. Odds are communication with that person needs to improve.” And then Erdene had handed Poppy this book, a recommendation from Erdene’s own therapist. “Since you keep telling me you’re too broke to talk to a therapist,” Erdene had said. “At least try this?”

Poppy pulled the book down from the shelf. She checked the time; it was only the early afternoon. She got herself some pretzels from her kitchen and sat on some pillows next to the bed. She didn’t have much else to do today, so might as well read for a few hours. It couldn’t hurt.

Over the weeks of processing the information from Gyu and reading the book from Erdene, Poppy felt like she was seeing her old relationship through a new lens. She felt more appreciative of the ways she and Tora had helped each other grow, and while she could clearly see that they had issues, she now felt like she understood those issues better. But with that appreciation came regret, which is probably what alerted Erdene a week ago to a shift in Poppy’s mood. When Erdene tried to help her move on by bringing up the fact that Tora had cheated, Poppy didn’t correct her because she felt too embarrassed to admit that she had wrongly accused him. Even with her coworker’s best efforts, her showers of gifts and attempts at distraction, the regret was hard to shake. She now knew, with the same amount of certainty that had kept her from fully committing before, that if she had the chance to do-over their relationship, she would work hard to build trust and wouldn’t give up so easily.

Now, as she sat on her kitchen floor, phone in hand, she laughed. Now that the chance to try again had appeared before her, she felt nervous and less sure of herself. She wiped her cheeks and settled her breathing. She reread Tora’s texts, trying to decide what to do next. Perhaps it could all come down to this concert. If there were tickets available, she’d go and get in touch with him again. If not…

She opened her Internet browser and adjusted the settings, allowing it to show her results that contained his band’s name. She quickly searched for tickets for the concert, just to see whether that was even an option, but then chided herself. There was no need to make a hasty decision. She was just gathering information.

After searching several sites, though, it was clear that the concert was sold out. She felt a surge of disappointment. She tapped her phone against her chin, feeling torn once again. He would probably be able to get her into the concert without an issue, but that means she would have to reply to him, and she didn’t want to do that, or at least not yet. Again, she returned to his texts, wondering how she would even begin to respond.

Would meeting up with him definitely mean getting back together? Maybe she could hear what he had to say but not act on it that evening.

She sighed. Who was she lying to? If she was in the same room as him, she’d most definitely want to throw herself back in his arms, and he had said he wanted to try again. She didn’t want to be _that girl_ and forgive him so readily. She needed some guarantee that they’d both try things differently.

What did she need to know before deciding to try again? One—she needed him to apologize. Two—he would have to explain where he had been all those nights he was late or missing. And three—she needed a commitment from him that he would work on his communication.

Would that be enough? Ugh, she wanted to discuss it with Erdene, hear some advice from someone who didn’t know Tora, but… Well, she loved Erdene, but that girl had a tendency to push her strong opinions on others and interfere when she shouldn’t. Poppy didn’t want Erdene to force her to reconnect with Tora, or to insist that she shouldn’t. Besides, the decision was ultimately up to Poppy. She would keep this hidden for now.

She noticed the time on her phone.

“Crap-a-doodle-doo,” she muttered. She was going to be late if she didn’t leave in the next five minutes. She ran into the bathroom and wiped her face, threw on a change of clothes, and ran to the bus stop, braiding her hair en route.


	4. The Notes (Sound it Out)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: mentions using alcohol for confidence
> 
> More from Poppy's perspective!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you with the angst so long! #2020 am I right? ugh
> 
> What I've learned from writing this story is that all of my chapters end up needing to be split in two, and then even then they're pretty long. Thanks for sticking with me! The plan right now is to have a final chapter after this one and a short epilogue, but these characters have a lot of thoughts and feelings so we'll see where they take us :)
> 
> Songs I mention/quote in this story (in the order that Noyouko plays them): Dinner & Diatribes, Movement, Run, Sunlight, Moment’s Silence (Common Tongue), Shrike (all of those by Hozier), and Monkey (by Robert Plant and the Band of Joy)

At work, Erdene had clearly picked up on her moodiness. She had bugged Poppy throughout the morning, poking and prodding to get her to open up, although Poppy managed to distract her by putting on her best smile and professing her love of the new stationary.

As the end of the day drew nearer, though, she began to feel anxious. She should go to the concert, shouldn’t she? She would probably end up regretting it if she didn’t. But as she thought about the logistics of going alone and getting into the venue, and then seeing him again, she felt her confidence wither. What if he was surrounded by groupies and didn’t react when he saw her? She could feel her insecurities come slithering back. She could always reply to his texts later, if she wanted to. There was no need to make this decision today or meet up today. In fact—she frowned—it wasn’t fair of him to announce this so suddenly. He should have given her more time to decide. Was this a ploy to make her feel obligated to meet up with him, not giving her enough time to process? She felt irritated once more.

Poppy was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice Erdene approach until she slammed an envelope down on her table.

Poppy jumped and nearly spilled her coffee.

“Oh my gosh, Erdene. What was that for?!”

Erdene cackled, looking too pleased with herself for surprising Poppy. “That was not my fault. You were so spaced out, I probably could have drawn a mustache on your face and you wouldn’t have noticed. What’s with all the sighing and frowning, lady?”

Poppy shook her head and tried to relax her face and respond with pep. “I was just lost in thought. I was trying to decide how much work to do tonight, maybe get a head start on tomorrow.”

“Listen, Poppy,” Erdene said seriously. “I know you think you’ve convinced me you’re fine, but you’ve been working way too much and today’s not the first time you’ve been moody. I’m not buying your story from this morning. There’s no way that one late bus makes you this upset. Listen, Pops. I _know_ breakups are hard, and healing is nonlinear. Some days are harder than others, even when you think you’ve been over it for months. And that’s okay. Setbacks are normal.”

Poppy’s shoulders slumped. She had tried to be strong, but if she hadn’t fooled Erdene, well, she didn’t have the energy right now to insist otherwise and keep up the pretense. She thought again about opening up and telling Erdene about Tora’s texts **,** but she didn’t think she was ready to discuss it yet.

Erdene grabbed her shoulder, and waved the envelope excitedly. “But listen, Pops! You’re not alone in this, and you don’t have to deal with your feelings alone. I’ve got the perfect thing for tonight. We’re going to go out and have fun and feel sexy! Staying at home all by yourself like I _know_ you’ve been doing the last few weeks is just a recipe for brooding.”

Poppy looked at the envelope with some dread. Erdene’s level of partying was definitely outside of her comfort zone, and this was definitely not a casual bar if it required an envelope. “What is it?” she asked slowly, trying to think of a good excuse to turn her down.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Erdene stuck out her tongue and waved the envelope. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll keep the details to myself, and you just need to keep your night clear for me.”

Poppy almost snorted. Erdene was a dear friend, but she didn’t trust her that much. She gave her best doe-eyed look, but Erdene shook her head, declaring, “It’s a secret now.”

“I don’t know, Dene,” Poppy said. She was already feeling emotionally drained and wanted to keep mulling things over. “I doubt I have the energy today to go out or do whatever it is you have planned.”

Erdene tried to bug her more, but Poppy didn’t budge. Finally, Erdene’s excitement seemed to get the better of her and she revealed the contents of the envelope with a drumroll. “It’s Noyouko!”

Erdene continued to prattle on in excitement, but Poppy didn’t hear her words. She felt her heartbeat thudding in her ears, her brain struggling to make sense of what just happened. _How did you know?_ she wanted to ask, but the only word that came out was, “How…?” Did Erdene know, this whole time? This felt too good to be true. Was this a set-up? No, based on Erdene’s response and genuine excitement, this seemed like a happy coincidence.

She picked up the ticket and stared at it. If this was fate sending her a message, well, fate couldn’t have been more obvious. She noticed the words printed at the top of the page: BACKSTAGE ACCESS. _Hot dandelions_ , she thought. She’d be able to meet him at the concert. She couldn’t contain the huge smile that stretched across her face. Here was her chance!

Jacob came over and he and Erdene bickered for a bit. Poppy continued to stare at the ticket. This was happening. She could at least go, listen to some songs, and she could always leave if she chickened out of meeting with Tora. But if she didn’t chicken out… Well, she’d find out soon enough.

\---

By the time Poppy, Erdene, and Jacob made it to the concert, Poppy was feeling relaxed. She was trying to be brave and enjoy the concert, and the alcohol she had consumed at Erdene’s was giving her some confidence. She decided that the best mindset for her to adopt was a laidback attitude. She would think of this concert as a fun evening of music she liked, and she would focus on having a good time with her friends. She’d allow herself to feel special knowing that the concert was dedicated to her, but she wouldn’t dwell on Tora. At least not before deciding whether to go backstage--she didn’t want to get her hopes up, or to get worked up about anything.

Her commitment to nonchalance crumbled, however, when she walked into the concert hall. There, on the stage, was Tora’s guitar. She remembered it in his hands, watching him pick it up gently, watching him play it. Though none of the musicians were on stage yet, she could already picture them there, and felt her emotions swelling. Suddenly, she realized Erdene was dragging them to the front to stand right next to the stage, and she panicked. She knew that stage lights were blinding for those on stage, but if they stood in the first row, Tora and the other band members would probably be able to see her. She didn’t want to interact with them before she was ready, so she fumbled through an excuse to convince Erdene to stand farther back.

When Erdene brought her some wine, she downed it to soothe her nerves. _Calm the fudge down_ , she ordered herself. She wasn’t surprised when Erdene called her out on it, and finally decided to open up to her—just a little. She admitted that seeing Noyouko might bring up “complicated feelings” for her because she used to listen to them with her ex. Technically, that admission was true, although she knew Erdene would throw a fit if they went backstage and the full truth came out. She giggled. Actually, odds were Erdene would be much more excited than upset when she found out Poppy had a personal connection to a band she clearly found so attractive.

By the time Noyouko took the stage, Poppy’s heart was racing. So much for being nonchalant. As soon as the lights went out, she paused her dancing and held her breath. This was it. Her first time seeing Noyouko in more than six months. Would they have the same look and sound? Would _he_ look the same?

The lights turned off and the crowd cheered. She heard him before she saw him. His guitar called out, announcing the song to the cheering crowd, beckoning the drums to follow and the lights to burst into color. There was Quincey in dazzling gold, claiming the spotlight and the microphone. Yet he did not draw her eyes—she immediately scanned the stage, looking for the one who stood in the shadows.

He was just as large and impressive as she remembered. Though he stayed in the back, never once glancing at the audience or attempting to draw their attention, his presence still felt overwhelming to her. He nodded his head to the melody he created, black hair tossing with the beat. He had always maintained a calm stage presence, but it really seemed like he had come into his own during their time apart. His fingers danced across the guitar frets with precision. While the music was hurried, his body language suggested he was completely at ease and enjoying himself. He seemed powerful. _He_ was creating this music. The audience was hanging on every note.

She recognized the song; it was one of the first on the album that brought Noyouko fame. It was also one of her favorites. She liked the suspenseful verses and the explosive chorus, and now she basked in the words, remembering that the show was dedicated to her. When Quincey yelled, “That’s the kind of love I’ve been dreaming of,” she imagined Tora, standing near her, speaking those words to her, speaking of their love.

Erdene brought her out of her daydream. “How ya doing, Pops?”

Startled, she nodded. “Pretty well, thanks! This is fun. I’ve always loved this song!”

“Dude, it slaps! I love it too! And I’m glad you’re having fun.” Erdene smiled and looked somewhat relieved, but then began teasing Poppy about the musicians. “I have to ask… Is part of your fun coming from how friggin’ hot QB is? Isn’t he cute? Eh? Eh?”

Poppy tried to sidestep Erdene’s pokes, but couldn’t help giggling when the pokes landed. She rolled her eyes, laughing to herself about just how wrong Erdene was. “Yes, he is good-looking,” she acknowledged, “but he’s not my type.”

Erdene let out a gasp, tried to reprimand her for possible self-deprecation, and proceeded to tease Jacob instead. Poppy felt grateful to her goofy coworkers for keeping things light-hearted. Obviously she wasn’t going to be as immune from emotions and nostalgia as she had hoped tonight, but she was definitely having fun.

As Quincey introduced his band mates, she smiled at how much Noyouko had grown. Before their tour, she had been privy to the backstage breakdowns and stage fright, and always held her breath when Quincey began to speak, waiting for him to stumble over his words and overshare. Months of continuous performances had clearly paid off. He was cool and collected, making jokes that didn’t fall flat and clearly enjoying the spotlight. She was surprised to find herself feeling proud of him. When he introduced Tora as Tony the Tiger, she snickered. The Quincey she knew before would never had made such a joke, for fear of the whack Tora would administer once the band left the stage.

As they played the next song, and the next, a mix of old fan favorites and new music, she felt buzzy and happy and relaxed. The show was dedicated to _her_ after all, and she held on to snippets of the verses as if they were a secret message from Tora to her. She knew Quincey wrote the song lyrics, but he often found his inspiration in Tora’s feelings and experiences and only finalized the lyrics after consulting heavily with Tora. She felt a pang of jealousy that Quincey was able to articulate the stoic man’s expressions so well, but then had a moment of clarity.

Maybe this was a way for them to communicate! The self-help book she was reading mentioned different love languages, and how an important part of communicating in a relationship was to understand your partner’s love language. Maybe the words he put to music were how he could best express himself. No wonder he used to take so much care in showing her songs he found—he had been trying to communicate with her through his own and other people’s songs! It was up to her to learn how to interpret what he was saying, to try to speak the same language. With newfound determination, she listened closely to the lyrics to crack the code.

The current song reached its chorus again: _I need you to run to me, run to me, lover_. She giggled to herself. That one wasn’t too hard to interpret.

She already knew the second song they played was inspired by her—Tora had told as much when they were still dating. He always found it funny when she forced herself to dance to break a moody spell, and when he teased her about it in front of Quincey, so was born “Movement.”

She laughed when Erdene drunkenly ranted about how poetic the songs were. Erdene was a passionate person, and Poppy was amused by how she insisted her point until Jacob and the people standing nearby agreed with her. Another part of her, though, felt proud that her friend liked Noyouko so much. And excited to share that she mayyyyy have inspired some of the songs that the group was praising.

As cheers rang out to greet the subsequent songs, she continued to bask in the love messages, repeating the words so she could hold them close to hear heart later:

_I had been lost to you, sunlight_

_Flew like a moth to you, sunlight oh sunlight_

_Oh, your love is sunlight_

_Oh, your love is sunlight, sunlight, sunlight_

She became even more excited when another song directly addressed their communication:

_When the meaning’s gone_

_There is clarity_

_And the reason comes on the common tongue of your loving me_

She felt giddy. Was he trying to tell her that their love could be a shared language, and through it they could overcome their miscommunications? She understood Erdene’s earlier rant. This truly was poetry, and she was really moved by the message. She couldn’t wait to talk to Tora after the show.

The lights scanned the stage and audience, pulling her attention to the video projected onto the screen behind the band. The song lyrics floated above a video of a car driving down an endless road. A couple of the guys standing near Jacob chortled, pointing at the words.

“Common _tongue_ , bro?” One of them nudged Jacob, grinning.

Jacob raised his eyebrows. “Does that mean what I think…?”

Lyrics to the next verse appeared as the song ended its chorus. The group burst into laughter.

“ _Silence when my baby puts a mouth on me_?” One of them snickered. “Yep, it means exactly what you think it means.”

Poppy felt her cheeks grow warm in embarrassment, and frowned. But then she shrugged. She supposed that the double-entendre should be no surprise, given that Quincey was the writer. She would stick with her original interpretation, though. She had to believe that there was a less crude message beneath the innuendo, something greater about mutual understanding.

Just then, Quincey announced the last song. Her breath caught in her throat.

This was it. The song Tora wrote for her.

She watched him step across the stage and pick up an acoustic guitar, setting down his electric guitar in its place. He waited for the crowd to fall silent and then began to play.

The melody sounded both sad and cheerful to her. He plucked individual notes in a call and response, embellishing with trills and returning to a low note to keep the beat. She pictured a sailor going out to sea, looking brightly toward new horizons but already missing what he must leave behind. It was a gentler sound than she imagined him writing, but she found it beautiful, echoey and delicate.

The other band members stood with their gaze toward the floor, waiting for their cue to join the music. As Tora played a few chords to end his introduction, Quincey looked up and lifted the microphone from its stand.

_I couldn’t utter my love when it counted_

_Ah, but I’m singing like a bird ‘bout it now_

_I couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted_

_Ah, but I’m singing like a bird ‘bout it now_

Poppy’s cheeks felt wet, and she smiled. She didn’t know how much of the words Tora had written, or whether he only wrote the music, but even if he got some help from Quincey, the words must be from his heart. If this was his apology, she accepted it. He seemed to be on the same sentence of the same page as her.

_Words hung above, but never would form_

_Like a cry at the final breath that is drawn_

_Remember me love, when I’m reborn_

_As the shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn_

The interpretation for this verse was less obvious to her, and she had trouble making out what he was saying toward the end.

Jacob seemed to be having a similar problem. “Is he saying shrike? What’s a shrike?”

One of the guys standing next to him shouted his reply. “It’s a bird that impales its prey on thorns and fence posts and comes back to eat them later. So if you see a bunch of dead lizards and stuff along a fence, it’s probably a shrike’s collection.”

 _Dude knows his birds_ , Poppy thought, and then froze. Wait, did he say _impale_? She grabbed Erdene’s arm and yanked her down to her level. “Uh, did he just say it collects and _stabs_ _prey_? I thought this was a love song. Does it sound like a love song to you?”

“Well, it sounds pretty,” Erdene yelled back, “though a little sad. He says he’s speaking to his love, so…yeah, I think it’s a love song.”

Poppy felt slightly reassured, but listened closely to the next verse, and the next chorus. She felt a growing horror. “Oh, my god,” she said to Erdene. “He says that this person is collecting prey, and that ‘everyone is the shrike to this person’s glorious thorn’!” She swallowed hard. “Is this like, an abusive relationship? …Or about someone who has a lot of relationships with a lot of people?”

Yeah, she and Tora were _not_ on the same page. Erdene started to disagree with her, but Poppy repeated the lyrics she heard, and she could see Erdene come to the same realization as her.

“Well, shit. I think you’re right,” Erdene said with a chuckle. “That’s what I meant earlier, though! Noyouko is incredible. What at first sounds like a love song is actually a weird poem about a creepy bird and maybe a big fuck-you to monogamy.”

Poppy felt her tears welling up. If this was Tora’s idea of how their relationship stood, well, this wasn’t going to work. Does this mean he _had_ cheated? She was so confused. Was she his prey? Or did he think she was walking around as if he was prey she had won? Whether she was the thorn in the song or he was, she hated the possible interpretations. This was too overwhelming. She had to go.

She ran to the bathroom to clean up her tears and escape people’s glances. She allowed herself a few sobs in one of the stalls, but then left the stall and approached the mirror. She stared at herself. Gah, she had been so stupid to get her hopes up like this. _We’re very different people_ , she reminded herself, falling back on the old excuse she used to repeat. She didn’t know what she was thinking, pretending like she could give this relationship a second chance. Well, she gave it a shot by coming out tonight, but now she would wait by the entrance for her friends when the concert ended. Maybe they could go get ice cream afterward, and she could eat her feelings.

But the backstage passes! She frowned. She grabbed a paper towel and started dabbing at her face. There was no way she was going backstage, but she felt bad making Erdene and Jacob miss out. She drummed her fingers against the sink, and made a decision. She would tell her friends about Tora. It would be a lot of emotions to process all at once, but she needed their support right now.

Straightening her posture, she lifted her chin and left the bathroom and its quiet jazz music. As the door closed behind her, she let her eyes adjust to the dimmer lighting of the concert hall. She tried to orient herself to find the exit, but then stopped, realizing the crowd was cheering very loudly. It had been…well, at least several minutes since she had left at the end of Noyouko’s last song. Why were they still cheering?

She walked back into the main audience area and saw movement on stage. She smacked herself in the forehead. _Of course_ , she thought. _There’s always an encore_. And then another realization: whatever that other song had been, it _wasn’t_ the last song.

She made her way to the side of the crowd, standing alone with a clear view of the stage. The lights came back on, and Noyouko returned to their positions on the stage.

Quincey called out, “We’ve got just one more for you, Narin City!”

Poppy felt adrenaline rush through her veins. _This_ was the song. The true final song. She was so lost in her thoughts that she missed Quincey’s introduction to the song. Her jaw dropped when Tora walked to the front of the stage. She clutched the railing closest to her as the stagehands brought out not just one, but _two_ microphones for him. Was he going to sing?!

Time seemed to slow down for her. When Tora began to play, each note felt vivid, like pure emotion. The chords billowed out across the audience, eerie and sad, yet calm. They spoke to her in a way the previous songs hadn’t. Without a doubt, this song was fully Tora’s creation. She hugged herself, letting the music wash over her. She closed her eyes, but they snapped open when he started singing.

_Oh, my my_

_Little white lie_

_I swear I’m going to make things right_

_This time_

Her eyes were watering again, but she couldn’t move and she couldn’t look away. His voice was soft and husky, his mouth close to the microphone. He kept his eyes closed when he tilted his head back, as if trying not to look at the audience.

He looked down at his guitar, dark hair falling into his face, and strummed a new chord that brought goosebumps to Poppy’s arms. He looked so serious, yet… at peace. Entirely calm as he opened his heart and shared his vulnerability, his promise to her floating above the audience.

 _Tonight you will be mine_ , he crooned, leaning into the mic.

 _Tonight the monkey dies_.

Poppy felt her poor eyes well up yet again that night.

The words he sang—and the fact that _he was singing_ — were meaningful, exactly what she wanted to hear. But this time, it wasn’t just the words that spoke to her. She could feel his pain and longing in his music. She felt the frustration and struggle of a man who agonized over his choices but had finally arrived at a decision. There was something pure and hopeful about the notes that descended toward his promise that the “monkey on his back” was dead, but he wasn’t trying to hide the turmoil he felt. This was Tora baring his soul to her. She could see him for him.

And so she held on to her resolution: she would go backstage.


	5. The Words (Talk it Out)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooo sorry it's been so long! I'm so amazed by all the writers on here writing fantastic fics while managing school/work/kids/life in the pandemic/etc. I've been swamped with grad school & some life things, but my quarter finished up this week so I was finally able to edit this whopping chapter and share it with y'all. Thank you so much for everyone who left a kudo or comment; your support is everything! 
> 
> Song that's referenced: "Guess Who" by Alabama Shakes
> 
> ALSO, if you're the kind of person who is interested in how different people live their lives, I highly recommend taking a deep dive on YouTube into video tours of bands' tour buses. Hours of my life, well spent.

“Hi, Tora,” Poppy said nervously, willing her face not to burst into color.

“Pops, you came,” he breathed.

“What in the actual fuck,” Erdene said. “Answers, now.”

“Poppy, can you introduce us?” Jacob whispered.

Poppy turned to her friends and gave a sheepish smile. She was sure they were mad, especially Erdene, but she’d deal with them later. “I’m sorry, guys. Noyouko, meet my co-workers, Jacob and Erdene. Jacob, Erdene, you’ve now met Quincey, Gyu, and Cordy. This is Tora…” She paused, averted her eyes, and muttered, “…my ex.”

She lifted her gaze to peer at Tora, but quickly looked away when she realized he was staring at her intently. She glanced around the room. It was a bit overwhelming to face him in front of so many other people.

Suddenly, Poppy found her upper arms gripped by Erdene, their noses almost touching. “This whole time,” Erdene whispered loudly—loud enough for all to hear, to Poppy’s dismay—“your ex is _Tora from Noyouko?!_ ” She lowered her voice slightly. “Do I even know you, lady? I thought we were besties!”

Poppy extracted herself and grabbed Erdene’s hands, willing her friend to calm down. She whispered, “I’m sorry. I promise I’ll explain later… I was going to tell you, I just… needed to figure out some things first.” She bit her lip and glanced at Tora again, not sure what to say with him listening. His stare had not wavered.

Erdene shook her hands up and down, missing all of Poppy’s cues to be more discreet. “How could you keep this from me?”

“Well, I—” Poppy tried to interrupt, but then Erdene gasped, and whirled around to stare at Tora.

“Wait a second, does that mean…” She took a step toward Tora and jabbed her finger at him menacingly, although Tora barely broke his gaze away from Poppy. “…that this motherfu—”

Poppy jumped up and covered Erdene’s mouth with her hands. “Oh my god, stop!” she said. Her panic mode turned on; she could _not_ let Erdene complete that sentence and make things tense between her and Tora again before they even had a chance to talk. Erdene licked her hand, and she let her go with an incredulous yelp. She looked around the room desperately for help and made eye contact with Jacob.

Fortunately and surprisingly, he came to the rescue. He jumped in front of Erdene and pulled her by the elbows toward the couch. “Come on, Dene, read the room,” he said. “This isn’t about you. I think we should let them talk.”

Erdene huffed and crossed her arms. She looked like she had more to say, but stayed silent, glaring with different intensities between Tora and Poppy.

Poppy coughed and gave a nervous laugh. That definitely could have gone more smoothly. While she was glad that Erdene was so willing to fight for her, she felt sad and fairly stressed that her friend’s impression of Tora was so negative. She knew it was her own fault for not telling Erdene that Tora hadn’t cheated after all, and reminded herself that Erdene’s intensity was just because she was deeply protective of Poppy. Hopefully once she cleared the air, they could all get along. She really wanted her friends to like him if everything worked out.

 _That’s for later, though_ , she thought, well aware of the tension in the room. _Time to pretend away the drama_. She stretched her face into a huge smile and turned toward Quincey, Cordelia, and Gyu. “Well, that was a great concert!” she started.

Quincey snorted. “Oh, honey. Of course it was. But if you want us out of your hair, you should just say so.”

She felt a blush rise to her face. “Ah, I didn’t—I mean, I wasn’t… That’s not what I meant at all—”

“—So you don’t mind if we stay and watch the show?” Quincey rubbed his hands together gleefully.

She sputtered, but Cordelia stepped in.

“Now, now, blondie.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “I think we better give them some space, don’t you think? Before Tony the Tiger here loses it.”

 _I owe you one, Cordy_ , Poppy thought. Even though she didn’t want to come out and ask them to leave, she _did_ want to talk to Tora alone. She glanced at him. He was scowling at Cordy and Quincey, having finally released her from his intense stare.

Quincey let out a dramatic sigh. “Fine, fine. I can tell when I’m not wanted, even though that rarely happens.”

He walked back over to Poppy and gave her another embrace, squeezing her around her shoulders but being careful to avoid smudging her makeup. “I don’t think you need it, but good luck!” he whispered. Her heart thumped in her chest, as optimism in the form of adrenaline rushed through her.

With a wink, he spun around and linked arms with Cordy. He gestured to Gyu, who had left the group for the food table and was carefully piling a generous serving of cheese, cold cuts, and cantaloupe onto a paper plate. “Gyu! Let’s go, boo-boo. We still need to debrief the show, as well as everything that just happened in the last five minutes.”

Gyu looked uncertainly between his food, Quincey, and Tora. “Uh, sure, yes. Let me just grab one more plate.” He looked at Poppy’s coworkers, and then back at the plate he was trying to balance on his arm. “Hey, Erdene? And was it… Jake? You guys wanna come with?”

Quincey clapped his hands. “Oooh, yes. We can give you _all_ the juicy details.”

Poppy could see Erdene and Jacob’s faces light up, tempted by the shiny celebrities. They looked to Poppy. “That okay, Pops?” Jacob asked.

She nodded eagerly. “Yes, yes. You guys can go with them. I’ll catch up with you later. I’ll be okay, promise.”

“Wanna give me a hand, Jake?” Gyu asked. Jacob ran over and accepted a plate of crackers.

Erdene gave her a quick and firm hug. “I’m sorry, girly. I know I was being pushy again.” She raised an eyebrow seriously. “But are you sure you’re okay, hun? I’m more than happy to stay here and beat a mofo for you. I know how worked up you’ve been about what he did…”

She grinned at the idea of Erdene even attempting to fight Tora. “Yes, I promise I’m fine! And I do appreciate you looking out for me. I just… I think it was actually a big miscommunication. I know that sounds really vague, but I promise I’ll explain it to you later. Please, don’t worry about me. Go have fun!”

Erdene paused. “I’m still mad at you for not telling me, but I’ll forgive you if you spare no detail when you explain after this. And don’t you dare play innocent with me. I mean it when I say I want _every detail_.”

Poppy gently pushed Erdene away, relieved that she had salvaged the situation for now. “Uh, huh. We’ll see about that…” she teased.

She watched them leave for a moment—Erdene reaching the food table in large strides, admonishing Jacob and Gyu for being fools and talking Kei into letting her take a whole platter with them. She giggled as Gyu stared at Erdene in awe, Cordy returning Jacob’s awkward high-five, and Quincey already monologuing as the group left the room—but quickly felt her attention pulled back to Tora. 

The golden eyes were watching her once again.

He broke the silence first. “I’m glad ya came. I wasn’t sure…” He cleared his throat and took a step toward her. “Pops, it’s great to see ya.”

It felt _so strange_ to hear his voice after such a long period without it. So strange, yet so right. Like collapsing on your own bed after months of being away.

She couldn’t resist the smile that stretched across her face, and unconsciously mirrored his step forward. “It’s great to see you too, Tora.” She giggled, remembering a moment from earlier. “Or should I say… it’s grrrrrrrrreat to see you, Tony!”

His face fell into a half-hearted scowl. “Seriously, the fuck is everyone on with this Tony shit? Who the fuck is Tony?”

She felt relieved and excited at how easy it was to fall back into teasing each other. She put her hands on her hips. “Oh, come on, I know you don’t eat sugary foods but you _must_ know who Tony the Tiger is.”

He stepped toward her again. “Never heard of that poser in my life.”

She giggled again, closing the gap between them and peering up at him. Suddenly, she felt shy. “Hey, Tora? It doesn’t bother you that they’re definitely talking about us for the rest of the night, does it?”

“Psh, no,” he said gruffly. “The princess is there, so you can bet he’s already switched to talkin’ about himself.”

He reached out, tentatively. His fingers brushed against her elbow. She met his gaze, her skin shifting into goosebumps and her thoughts fading away. She felt drawn toward him, toward his warmth and his touch.

Someone knocked over a cup of plastic utensils, and the crash brought her back to herself. She cleared her throat, remembering her purpose for coming. “Uh, is there somewhere we can talk privately?”

He glanced up, noticing the handful of other people milling about the food area and pretending they weren’t listening.

Fixing a glare on them, he hovered his hand near her lower back and turned to the door. “Yeah, ‘course. Let’s head out.”

She followed him through the halls backstage, her heart rate galloping as she hurried to keep up with his long stride. They walked through a door that emptied into a large, paved courtyard and alleyway full of vehicles. She turned her head at the sound of Quincey’s voice and saw her friends walk into a bus at one end of the courtyard. Tora grabbed her arm and pulled her in the other direction. They walked a few steps, and she savored the contact, how warm his hand felt against her skin. Suddenly, he dropped her wrist. “Shit, sorry.” He rubbed his neck. “Guess I haven’t dropped the habit.”

She rubbed her wrist, missing his touch, but mentally reprimanded herself. _Keep it cool, Pops. Be on your best level-headed behavior right now, okay?_

“Where are we going?” she asked.

He nodded his chin toward the bus Quincey and the others had entered. “Princess took his court to my bus, so we can go talk in his.” He pointed to a large silver and black bus that rose above the white vans in front of them.

Poppy took in the monstrosity in front of her, gaping. It towered above her, its blacked-out windows and blue underglow screaming luxury and excess. “This is Quincey’s bus? You EACH have one of these?” she asked, aghast.

He snorted. “Nah, we share ’em. This one’s Cordy and Quince’s, plus some crew. The other one I share with Gyu, plus the rest of the crew. This one’s all big and fancy ’cause Quince can’t live without shit like this, and this one has a full Master bedroom at the back of the bus.”

“Wow.” Poppy was at a loss for words. This was so glamorous, and she couldn’t help but imagine how exciting life must be on tour. How easy it must be to get swept away by the fame and the attention… She frowned, suddenly reminded by how different their lives had become.

Tora waved, pulling her from her thoughts. “Here, I’ll show you.” She followed him up the steps into the bus. Like the underside of the bus, the steps were lined with neon blue mood lighting. The driver’s seat was empty, but the bus rumbled quietly, air circulating gently from the vents. The bus opened up into a lounging area much more spacious than Poppy expected. Sleek grey cabinets held up a microwave, sink, and dishwasher, and brown leather couches lined both sides of the bus, a small dining table jutting out across from the kitchen area. It was dim inside, the only light coming from faint LEDs along the ceiling and underneath the cabinets. The tinted windows were covered with framed pictures of the band and some posters that looked like fan art.

“This is where we hang out most of the time.” Tora gestured at a TV screen behind her, and she noticed the gaming console and controllers next to one of the couches. “Want a snack or something to drink?” He pulled open a few drawers below the couches, revealing piles of junk food, water bottles, and alcohol.

“Ooh, thanks!” Poppy said, crouching down to examine the snacks. She picked a bag of gummy worms and opened it happily. She noticed Tora watching her with an unreadable expression as she munched. “Sorry, I’m being rude. Would you like some?” She extended the bag toward him.

He raised an eyebrow. “I haven’t changed _that_ much, sweetheart.”

“Oh,” she said, and then shrugged. “More for me! You were just staring like you wanted some.”

Tora coughed, and she thought she saw a hint of a smile, but he turned around. “Here’s the bathroom, here’s the fridge,” he said, continuing the tour.

She peeked inside the bathroom, and then took in the refrigerator. It was bigger than the one she had in her apartment. “This bus is huge. I can’t believe it’s allowed on the roads,” she commented.

“It’s called a double-slider.” He gestured to the half of the room with the fridge and one of the couches. “This whole section slides out when we’re parked, so room’s a lot smaller when it’s driving.”

“Whoa, that’s fancy!” she said. “I guess Quincey wanted all the bells and whistles, huh?”

Tora grunted, and walked out of the lounge into a small hallway. The hallway was lined with two sets of bunk beds with thick black-out curtains, followed by two large closets. “Some of the crew sleep here, and then this is where Quince keeps all his clothes. He’s got another closet in the bedroom too. You can take a look if ya want.”

Tora stood back as Poppy squeezed past him to enter the bedroom. She blushed a little as she pressed against him, but was quickly overwhelmed by the decadence before her. “This seems like Quincey, all right,” she commented.

A plush, king-sized bed filled the room, with mirrors and abstract art lining the walls. Past the bed, a marble-tiled vanity and shower area encompassed an area as long as the bed. Although the room felt confining to her because of the lack of windows, there was no doubt that Quincey and Cordy enjoyed quite the comfortable stay while on tour. 

“What is your bus like?” she asked, turning back to Tora.

He was leaning against the doorway, his facial expression unreadable to her. “Can show it to ya later, Bobby, but we should talk first.”

She felt her heart skip a beat. There was no more avoiding this. “Oh, right,” she laughed nervously. “Where do you want to talk?”

She followed him back to the kitchen and took a seat next to the small dining table. Tora plopped down on the couch in front of her and threw an arm across its back.

Silence. Poppy fidgeted with the bag of gummies, wondering how to start this conversation. She glanced at Tora. He seemed to be struggling to find the right words as well. Hmm. She wanted him to apologize first, mostly out of principle, but she was well aware that a part of her was simply trying to postpone saying her piece.

As the silence stretched on, she chickened out, and decided to continue the small talk. “Do you like the tour bus lifestyle?”

Tora let out a startled but relieved-sounding laugh. “Hell, no. It’s miserable tryin’ to sleep with so many damn people coming and going all the time. All the damn attention and cameras always flashin’, groupies inviting themselves onto the bus. We put down some rules to keep the randos out, so they mostly come to this bus since Quince doesn’t mind the fans.” He shook his head in frustration. “I’ve gotten used to it, but sometimes I take one of the equipment vans and drive when it’s too much. Find someplace quiet to get away.”

Poppy cleared her throat. “Like Regina’s?” she whispered.

Tora stilled and was silent for a moment. “…Yeah. Ya know about Regina’s?”

She swallowed. “Not too long ago, I sort of made Gyu tell me.” She saw his jaw tighten. Hurriedly, she added, “Don’t be mad at Gyu. He was trying to make me feel better, to clear up my misunderstanding about… well, you know. Where you used to go at night, after the shows.” 

She took a breath and squeezed her hands together as she worked up the courage to start explaining and apologizing for her trust issues. She opened her mouth to continue, but Tora beat her to it.

“Gyu is a good guy. He got me doing this virtual therapy shit to clean up my act. I can just call the shrink or text ’em, whenever I want, which is good since I ain’t in one place for too long, ’cause of the tour.”

Well, that was _not_ what she expected him to say. “Oh! That sounds perfect for your schedule.”

“It’s exhausting as fuck, especially ’cause tour is already exhausting. I quit a lot, but Gyu and Quince kept bugging me to keep with it. They both do it too.” He finally looked up at her. “S’why I reached out to you. I’m trying to do better, and, ya know, be more open.”

He paused, and Poppy nodded at him to keep talking.

“The tour is exhausting, but I like playing with the band. I like writing music. And I’m… I’m starting to like performing.” He pulled his hair out of its half-bun and let it fall into his face. “It’s powerful, playing on stage, ya know? Making music for a crowd of people, playing that shit so loud it drowns out everything else in ya head. It’s a hell of an adrenaline kick, but it’s also when I’m the most at peace. I realized, it was the only time I let myself really open up, to anyone. I thought that was enough—” he glanced at Poppy, and then put his face in his hands. “Shit, this is dumb.”

“It’s not dumb!” she said urgently. She rose from her chair and kneeled on the couch, facing him. “Please, keep going.”

He lifted his head and searched her face. Satisfied with what he saw, he continued. “Well, obviously it’s not really opening up if it’s a room full of strangers and they don’t know what playing means to me. And I… I shoulda been more open with you when we were together. ’S not fair to you. I’m sorry for that.”

Poppy felt her cheeks grow warm. He was apologizing, he was talking about their communication—he was saying exactly what she hoped he would. She took a deep breath to calm her pulse.

He tapped his fingers against the couch and bounced his left leg nervously. “The thing I’ve always hated about this band shit was all the people who hang out around us and set me off. Lots of fans throw themselves at me like I’m a piece of meat, and there are loads of people in the industry saying dumb shit like, ‘I’d hate ta see all this success come apart around ya’ if we don’t do shit for them. I don’t give a crap about bad press, but every time one of these fuckers started acting all fake and manipulative, I’d have to leave before I lost my shit. That’s why I used to go to Regina’s, to calm down, and to beat the crap out of the junk people leave there.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Poppy asked softly.

“I didn’t want ya to see me worked up like that.” He sighed. “Thought I was free from Vincent when we started to make it big with our music, but Gyu and Quince finally got through to me that I wasn’t past all of that, since I kept getting set off by people all the time.” He cracked the knuckles on one hand against the couch. “Guess I hid it all from you, and got mad when ya asked about it, because I didn’t want to admit I had a problem.”

“Oh, Tora,” Poppy murmured. She still was frustrated that he had hidden what he was dealing with from her, but her heart hurt for him. She tried to imagine what it must feel like to hold all of that in, and then felt another wave of anger at Vincent.

Tora shook his head, hair covering his eyes. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m broken.”

“I’m not! And I know you’re not!” She reached over and pushed his hair out of his face, looking him straight in the eyes. “That’s the last thing I would think about you, Tora. And you know it.” She held his gaze until he shifted his surprise into a smirk.

“Still feisty, huh?”

Poppy rolled her eyes and huffed. She adjusted her dress and took a seat next to him. “Whatever it takes to get through to you. So, has therapy been helpful?”

He grunted. “Thought it was pointless at first, but I get it now. I know I get mad easily but I can control it better now.” He picked at a tear in the couch. “Feel like I know more about relationships now, cuz obviously I didn’t learn shit from Vincent.”

He turned his body toward Poppy and held out his hand to her. She slowly placed her hand on his. “Pops. I’m sorry for what I said to ya, back then. I was lashing out. And I know I shoulda tried differently instead of just keeping things inside and giving up. I know we have work to do… I mean, if ya want to try this again.” He interlaced their fingers and gave her a gentle smile, but then quickly let go of her hand. “Shit. Not gonna make ya if ya don’t wanna. I just… Look, Bobby. I don’t always have the words to express myself, but, I’m working on it and I’m gonna keep getting better. I meant what I told you. I want to try again.”

He looked about as sincere and vulnerable as she had ever seen him.

She interlaced their fingers again and squeezed his hand. She smiled at him. “Tora, I’m really proud of you. I’m really happy you’re doing better, and proud of you for working on yourself. Thanks for opening up to me.”

He squeezed her hand back. “So, are ya—do ya…”

“Patience, mister!” She wagged a finger at him with a grin. “I have some things to say to you, too.”

She sat up straighter and concentrated on the anchoring warmth of his hand. “I’m not a famous musician—”

“—No, shit? Ow!” Tora rubbed his shoulder dramatically and held up a hand to block any additional punches. “Feisty _and_ sadistic.”

“ _As I was saying,_ ” Poppy glared at him and pulled his hand back into hers, “I barely make more than an unpaid intern, so I can’t afford a therapist. _But_ , I’ve been reading a book about communication and trust, so I’ve been working on myself, too.

“I know I don’t have all the insights, and I still have work to do, but I’ve already realized a few things. I was also in denial about what I’ve been through and how that still affected me. I think because of that, I didn’t communicate with you well either. In my experience, men in my life are either wonderful, but then they leave, or they’re gaslighting jerks that cheat and then leave, too. I tried to avoid and ignore all my feelings about that, so I didn’t learn any better. I didn’t really give you a chance to show me otherwise.”

Tora let go of her hand to pull his hair back. He tied off his bun and then found her hand again. “I could tell when ya had doubts. I think ya good at sayin’ how ya feel, most of the time, but I never knew what to do when ya acted like ya didn’t trust me.”

Poppy sighed. She had spent many days imagining how Tora must have felt to see her reluctant to commit, and had struggled with guilt. She wondered if she had triggered some of his insecurities about being abandoned.

“To be fair, I think the fact that you weren’t always open with me didn’t help. I could tell you were hiding something, and I also kept thinking about how you were a fancy, hot new rock star surrounded by women who were probably lightyears more beautiful and interesting than me—”

“Bobby, I’d beat up anyone if they talked about ya the way ya talk about yourself.”

She giggled. “I said that’s what I _used_ to think! I mean, I still struggle with those feelings, but I… I can see that thinking those things about myself doesn’t just hurt me. They hurt you too.”

Tora put his finger on the side of her face and turned her gaze toward his. “Bobby?”

“Yeah,” she squeaked, heart racing as he leaned toward her.

He spoke seriously. “Bobby, ya not responsible for how I feel, ’kay? I am. When ya put yourself down, it hurts you, and that’s enough reason to stop. Doesn’t matter how it makes me feel. You’re goddamn gorgeous, smart, thoughtful, and cute as hell. Ya got no business thinking this messed up stuff about yourself.”

She couldn’t hold back her tears. “Th-thank you,” she sniffed. “It really helps to hear you say that.” She let herself absorb his words for a moment. “I think what I meant is that when I trusted my insecurities instead of you, that fed into your fear that I would leave. And when you didn’t communicate with me, or at least, when I had trouble understanding how you communicated, that led to me listening to my insecurities even more. I think we were kind of feeding off each other’s worst traits.” She wiped the wetness from her face. “But now, I think we each know what we need to work on.”

Tora frowned. “Damn it, Bobby. Even when ya trying to say we’re both responsible, ya take on too much blame.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just spent all this time tellin’ ya I flat out didn’t communicate with you, and then ya try to say it was just that ya didn’t understand how I communicated.” He looked genuinely confused.

Poppy sputtered, but then paused. He had a point.

He poked her in the side. “Lookin’ pretty sheepish for a hamster.”

She groaned. “How long have you been waiting to use that?”

“Dunno whatcha talking ’bout.”

She shook her head. “Well, okay. Fine. You weren’t being totally open with me before, and you’re going to try to do better. I’m so glad to heart that, because I think it will help a lot. But I also think there were times when you did try to be open with me and I didn’t really understand it.”

“Like when?”

“Like when you found songs to play for me that meant something to you. Something in the lyrics resonated with you. I think maybe it was easier for you to show me songs you related to, that we could listen to together, than to come up with the words on your own.”

Tora seemed to think about that for a minute.

“Don’t you remember?” she asked.

“Yeah, ’course I do. But I don’t get what you’re saying. What didn’t ya understand about the songs?”

She bit her lower lip, thinking back to some of those moments. “Well, maybe sometimes you were trying to use the song to tell me how you were feeling, but I thought you were showing it to me because it was just a pretty melody or something. So I missed what you were trying to tell me.”

“Well, shit,” Tora deadpanned. “Ya mean ya can’t read my mind, Poppylan?”

“No! I just…” she trailed off, frustrated. She stood up and grabbed her abandoned gummy worms on the kitchen table.

“Bobby. Sweetheart. Look at me.”

She plopped the last gummy into her mouth and turned back toward him.

“Bobby, ya right about the songs. Sometimes ya hear a song and it makes ya remember somethin’, or think about something in a different way. Ya right that I like to share that with you. But I ain’t expecting you to know what I’m thinkin’. I gotta explain it, and I’m telling ya that I want to get better at that. Okay, sweetheart?”

Poppy felt her eyes water again. Of course, she was determined to notice and listen to all his attempts to communicate, but she felt a weight lift from her shoulders as he insisted he was committed to doing his part. “That sounds good, Tora.”

“Good, ’cause matter of fact, I got one right here.” He patted the couch.

“Oh?” Poppy perked up at that, and smoothed out her dress as she sat next to him. He fished around his pockets for his phone and earbuds, and then handed her the left earbud.

“After we…ended things, I started listening to some of the girly shit you like, whatever the hell it’s called.”

Poppy giggled. “It’s indie pop, Tora. I know it’s not your genre, but you’re a musician. You should know this by now.”

“Yeah, yeah, indie bop, whatever. Anyway, I found this band. They’re pretty good. And they got this one song I want to show ya.”

Poppy gasped dramatically. “Am I the first one to get this scoop? The Tiger of Noyouko listens to and even recommends indie pop?!”

“Calm down, Miss Journalist. No one needs to know that.”

She giggled. “What’s the band?”

Tora tilted his phone toward her so she could see, and she burst out laughing. “Tora! That’s not indie pop. They’re a rock band! Blues and rock!”

He snickered, and she swatted at his arm again as she realized he was pulling her leg. “You goof. Maybe you started listening to indie pop but it looks like you went and found yourself rock again, right up your alley, mister.”

“Yeah, I couldn’t stand that shit for a minute.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

He flashed his dimples. “Can’t help that I have good taste. Come on, take a listen to this for me.”

She adjusted the earbud, and leaned back against the couch. He pressed play and then relaxed back into the leather. Her body slid toward him slightly as he sank into the cushions.

Bluesy, muted notes sounded against a guitar lightly strumming, but just as Poppy got used to the funky and interesting chords, a guitar kicked in, the beat picked up, and the tone shifted. A calming voice floated above the music:

_I can't tell you how I feel, but I do  
Those things they say can't get to me, but they do  
I don't see the sky as blue, as you do  
Should I fantasize, there must be some way to love again_

_It's been so hard for a girl like me, it's true  
People say I look just like my daddy, 'cause I do_

Other voices called out in an agonized chorus, followed by strings swooping up and down a scale:

_All I really want is peace of mind_

_Why is everything so complicated?  
Why is everyone so infatuated?  
I gather myself safely  
Until life on Earth is warm again_

_Everybody's leaving all the time  
All I really want is peace of mind_

As the final strings and voices faded, the beat continued. The chords progression sounded like possibilities being raised and considered, and then set aside when the next possibility appeared. All of a sudden, the beat stopped and just like that, the song ended.

Poppy looked at Tora in surprise. “It just ends? That was really beautiful, but it feels kind of sad that it ends without resolution. She didn’t get her peace of mind.”

“I don’t think it’s sad,” Tora said, his head still tilted back against the couch. “The music never slows down. It tells ya life keeps going, ya keep searching for that peace of mind. This is just a moment they captured.”

She let that sink in.

“Ya gonna try to translate, or what?” Tora teased.

“Can we listen to it again? It was so short…”

Tora restarted the song. She listened to the words carefully, pondering their meaning. When it finished, she shared her interpretation. “Okay, let’s see. That sounded peaceful, but sad. Like the singer is at peace even though she’s dealing with something hard. It sounds like she’s sensitive, because what people say get to her, and things have been really difficult lately for her. She’s trying to take care of herself while she hopes things get better, and she hopes she can find love again… I feel bad for her. The part where she says she wants peace of mind sounds like she’s in pain.” She tilted her head. “So since you’re sharing this with me… Maybe you relate to how she’s going through a tough time, and is hoping to find love again? I hope you don’t relate to that line about being like your dad… You’re nothing like Vincent.”

Tora nodded. “See, Bobby, this is why we gotta talk about it. I agree with most of what ya said, but… I think it’s hopeful. More hopeful than painful. She doesn’t know when things’ll get better, but she’s at peace, like ya said, ’cause she knows they will. She’s just waiting for it to happen.”

She blushed, thinking back to how she had almost left the concert after misinterpreting Noyoko’s songs that evening. She very much understood now why talking about their interpretations was so important. “I can see that. So tell me, then, Tora. Why did you pick this song?” She watched him collect his thoughts. Once again, she was struck by how easy this conversation was, even after so much time apart. But now she felt so much closer to him, like she was already seeing a whole new side of him in just this last hour.

Tora put his hands behind his head. “I felt like the singer a lot, last few months. So much attention, so many people obsessing over the band, but it doesn’t feel real. I’m supposed to let what people say slide off me, keep my cool, but it’s fuckin’ hard. Sometimes it’s easier to not feel anything, sometimes I feel too much. But when I feel too much, it’s mostly anger, and that’s when I gotta go on a drive.”

Poppy felt sympathetic. She had an idea of what he meant by sometimes feeling too much, and sometimes nothing; she had felt that way plenty of times in her life, especially when she had too much sadness inside her. “That sounds really difficult Tora. I can only imagine what it’s like to be dealing with that. Not to mention you’re dealing with everything, working on yourself, just trying to be a person, all while in the public eye. It’s hard enough to do all that without people breathing down your neck.”

He smirked. “No one’s tall enough to breathe down my neck.”

“Hah, hah.” She rolled her eyes. “Do you see hope in the song because you feel hopeful, too?”

“Damn, Bobby, going straight for the hard questions.”

“Oops, sorry. You know me—no filter.”

He pulled the earbuds from her ear and then his, and put them and his phone back in his pocket. “I am. Hopeful, I mean. I know I’m doin’ better. That line about the sky looking blue, I think about you for that part. You see the world in a certain way, Bobby, and I want to see it that way too. With more colors. I’m hoping I can get there if I hang around ya enough. If ya let me.”

Poppy felt her cheeks heat up. She wanted to say that yes, she’d let him. She was fully ready to commit again, and this time she would do so with confidence. There was just one more thing to say…

“I want to see the world how you do, too. The song you wrote, and sang tonight?” It was Tora’s turn to blush, she noticed with a smile. “It was beautiful. Absolutely incredible.” She teared up a little. “I’m so proud of you for not only writing it, but performing it at the front of the stage and singing as well. You were amazing.”

“Thanks,” he muttered, looking embarrassed.

“I mean it, really. I felt like you bared your soul to me. I know I’m not supposed to pretend like I can read your mind about what you meant and everything, but… I’m so amazed, Tora. I felt like I could see all of your emotions when you were playing. And I’m so honored that you wrote it, and sang, for me. Well, I hope you weren’t singing just for me, and that you actually enjoyed it, but thank you for writing it for me.”

He laughed quietly. “I shoulda bared my soul to you a year ago. You deserve the best. I’m going to keep writing ya songs until ya get it.” He lifted up a piece of her hair and let it fall through his fingers. “Honestly, singing is fuckin’ nerve-wracking. All the damn people are so much closer when ya stand at the front of the stage.”

“Maybe it gets easier?”

“Hope so, sweetheart, ’cause someone’s gotta give Quince a run for his money.”

She giggled. “He won’t stand a chance!” She watched his dimples appear, and then made a decision. It was time.

She scooted closer to him on the couch. “Tora? Can you hold me?”

“Small thing like you?” he asked as he pulled her into his lap. “’Course I can. Hold ya sittin’ on this couch, hold ya up against the wall—” He chuckled as he fended off her smacks again.

“Don’t get too cocky, mister,” she warned.

“Who says I’m not already—oof!” he grunted as she landed a punch on his chest.

“What did I just say?” she scolded. “Aren’t you supposed to be trying to convince me to try again with you?”

He caught her wrists in his and stilled their movements, and looked serious. “Yes. That’s what I’m doing. Are ya telling me it’s not working?”

Poppy tried to look away as another blush rose to her face, but he turned her toward him and raised an eyebrow at her. She mumbled her response.

“What’s that? Ya gonna have to speak up,” he said.

“I said it’s working,” she whispered.

“Oh, yeah?” He reached out to touch her jaw. “This okay, sweetheart?” he whispered back.

She nodded, and he cupped her face in his hand.

“I want to try again, Poppy,” he repeated.

She put her hand on his chest, above his heart. Determined, she mirrored him and placed her other hand along the side of his face. “I want to try again, too.” She ran her other hand up his neck until she was cupping his face in both hands. “I’m going to see you for you, from now on, okay?”

He leaned his forehead on hers, and wrapped her in his arms. “And that’s gonna be possible ’cause I’m gonna show ya me, Poppylan. I’m all yours.”

Her eyes brimmed with tears. “I’m all yours, too. I missed you, Tora.”

And with that, he closed the distance between them. She relished the comforting warmth of his lips, the brush of his cheek on hers, the gentle pressure of his fingers in her hair—and the steady beat of his heart, promising a future of warmth and hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all honesty, I wrote the bulk of this like 2+ months ago (wah), but then the school year started again and I lost all my momentum with it. I sat on this chapter for a while because I wasn't happy with it (getting Tora to lead a conversation about feelings that requires him to say multiple sentences sincerely is really hard, okay!), but I finally had the chance to make some key edits the last few weeks. So here it is. Let me know what ya think!


	6. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making up for my months of inactivity with a second (short) post within 24 hours!

Quincey had talked about himself enough.

Normally she’d be all about that, hanging on his every word. But Poppy had turned the tables on her—no, had flipped a goddamn buffet stand on its head. Erdene couldn’t take it anymore. She needed her answers!

“I’m sorry, Quincey,” she interrupted. “But what the heck happened between Poppy and Tora? I’m still so confused!”

Cordelia laughed at Quincey’s perplexed face.

“What is there to be confused about?” he asked with a frown. “I explained everything!”

“You got close!” Kei said encouragingly. He had joined them before they finished their first bottle of champagne and was sitting next to Jacob, beer in hand. They were all crowded in the lounge area in the back of Gyu and Tora’s bus—or the “Tour-a bus,” as Jacob gleefully called it. (“No pun is safe from you,” Erdene groaned when he first came up with it.)

Cordelia stood from the couch and patted Quincey on the shoulder. “Maybe a little more about Poppy and Tora, and less backstory about how you found out singing was your calling.” She walked past the bunks, making her way to the kitchenette in the front of the bus.

Her teasing went over Quincey’s head. “Ooh, are you getting snacks? Can you bring some more champagne?” he called out.

“Come get it yourself.”

Erdene sighed in frustration as Quincey shrugged at the group apologetically and left to join his partner. All hopes of an imminent answer vanished when they returned, as he became distracted with putting grapes into Cordy’s mouth.

Next to her, Gyu chuckled. His laugh seemed somehow both calm and self-conscious to her. For whatever reason, she found it reassuring, and fixed her attention on him. “Well? Can _you_ offer some clarity on this situation?”

He grinned. “I’ve heard about you, Erdene.”

She lost her focus. “Me? What?” _A member of Noyouko has heard about me?!_ Then the fangirl in her head remembered how to be sensible. “Man, could you say that in a less creepy way?”

He laughed again, and she felt herself relax. “I heard about you from Poppy. You sound like a good friend.”

“Well, duh. I’m the best. What did she tell you?”

“Not much, just a little about how you’ve supported her, some of the advice you gave her… Seemed like some wise words to me.”

She scoffed. “I don’t know about wise. Clearly I had no idea what was actually going on.” After another thought, she commented, “I’m surprised she actually considered what I said enough to tell you. That girl is so stubborn.”

“If you think she’s stubborn, wait until you get to know Tora. Although I guess when he’s around her, he’s kind of a pushover—but don’t tell him I said that.”

 _Is that so?_ she wondered. She tried to reconcile that tidbit with her impression of Poppy’s ex. She thought back to all the times Poppy talked about him, but couldn’t recall Poppy actually sharing very much information about Tora. Erdene’s imagination must have filled in the gaps in Poppy’s description of him.

“Okay, spit it out. I _need_ to know. How did they meet? What are they like together? What really happened?!”

Gyu grinned. “I’ll tell you everything I know, on two conditions.”

“Yes! You’re the best!” she celebrated. “What are the conditions?”

“One, that Tora agrees I can tell you, and two, that Poppy agrees I can tell you.” He took a swig of his champagne and tried not to laugh as he swallowed it.

Erdene crossed her arms and pouted. “You’re no fun.”

“Hey, it’s not my story to tell, and I don’t even know all the details. You’re just going to have to wait and ask Poppy.”

Erdene peered at him, as if seeing him for the first time. She was impatient for more information, for sure, but she respected him for respecting her friend’s privacy. She sat back, and took in her surroundings. Jacob and Kei were engrossed in a video on Jacob’s phone, and Cordy was smiling at something Quincey was saying.

She scooted along the couch to sit closer to Gyu. “Alright, Gyu. Fair enough. Since it seems like I have to wait a while anyway, might as well settle in. Tell me something about yourself.”

He took a large gulp of champagne and took his time setting down the glass. “Uhhh…” _Was that a blush?_ she wondered. He was pretty cute when he got flustered. She liked his goatee, and his curly brown hair. “What do you want to know?”

“Hmm, let’s see. I already know that you have stubborn friends, that you play all of the instruments, and that you rock the patterned button-down.” She reached out and flattened the collar of his shirt, admiring the dark blue and purple design.

Gyu cleared his throat. “Why, thank you. I like to think I rock all things purple.” He twirled a piece of her lilac hair between two fingers.

She grinned. His body language was nervous, but he was a smooth talker.

“Like this umbrella?” She pointed to the half-opened purple umbrella clumsily tattooed onto his right arm.

He groaned, and dragged his hands across his face. “Really, you went there?” He laughed. “I mean, I’m not sure why you’re asking, since it’s obvious just by looking at me that I’m rocking it.”

“Okay, tell me about your tattoos. That’s what I want to know. What’s the story there?”

“Are you some kind of reporter? Not everything has a story.”

“But this one does, I can tell,” she said. “And nope, I’m a graphic designer.”

He sighed, but rolled up his sleeve to show her another tattoo above the umbrella, two bananas in a bunch. On his left arm, he showed her a pair of cherries.

“My first girlfriend designed the cherries. We both got the same tattoo. I was so in love at the time, anything she drew I thought was a masterpiece. Told the tattoo artist to copy her drawing exactly, so that’s why it’s not even colored in properly. Don’t make fun of me, I live with the shame every day.”

“No judgement, bro. Young love is a beautiful thing.”

He snorted. “I was sixteen, and the relationship lasted three weeks. But yes, now I have this… beautiful memory.”

She laughed with him. “Are the bananas girlfriend number two?”

He shook his head. “No, that was my kid sister. She liked the cherries so much and talked me into letting her draw me a tattoo, too. Not sure if she realized that tattoos didn’t have to be drawings of fruit.”

“Aww, that’s frickin’ adorable. And so sweet of you!”

He smiled shyly. “Got a soft spot for her, what can I say?” He let his sleeve fall back down. “Oh, and the umbrella is a similar story. My older sister has kids, and I made the mistake of telling my niece that her aunt drew the bananas, so this was her addition.”

Erdene smiled in amazement. He was something else. Definitely _not_ what she imagined a famous rock star to be. What a sweetie. “So… is it only important women in your life who are allowed to design art for your body?”

“Important women with impressive artistic abilities, yes,” he chuckled.

“Yes, it does sound like you surround yourself with artists.” She paused. “So how does the application process work?”

He looked momentarily surprised, then flushed, and then smiled. “Application for designing my next tattoo or application for being an important woman in my life?”

Erdene smiled mischievously. “What if I’m interested in both? I can draw a mean pineapple, and I’m told I give great advice.”

He tapped his chin as if considering. “I haven’t been advertising it, but I actually have an opening. And you do come with great references.”

“That I do.”

“Guess that just leaves one thing.” He held out his hand to her. She noticed his hand was slightly trembling, but he relaxed when she placed her hand in his.

“What’s that?” she said softly.

“The interview,” he said with a blush. “What do you think about, um, finding a private place for that?”

She smiled, and accepted his help up. “I like the sound of that. After you, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to the Erdene x Damien shippers hehe, but this ship has been in the works in my story for a while
> 
> Our girl Erdene moves fast and likes to ask MPL boys about their tattoos


End file.
